Surround Yourself with Things You Value
Samantha is currently fascinated with good guys, bad guys, and policemen. The other day, we saw a policeman and Sam said:
MOMMY, IS THAT A POLICEMAN?
Yes.
AND POLICEMEN LOCK UP BAD GUYS AND NEVER LET THEM OUT?
Well, yes, sometimes they lock up bad guys to keep the good people safe.
AND THEY LOCK THEM IN A ROOM.
They lock them in jail, or prison.
NO, MOMMY, NOT JAIL. THEY LOCK THEM IN NEW JERSEY.
This morning we’re off to what will probably be our last trip to the water park for the summer. I still can’t get used to this thing where pools and amusement parks completely shut down after summer. I’m from Los Angeles, where these things are open year-round.
Sammy’s birthday party was this past Saturday and it went very well. Adam planned and executed the whole thing. I’ve delegated the birthday party thing (both attending and giving) to Adam. It’s a nice, self-contained, and rewarding thing for him to do. A perfect dad-job.
We decided to opt-out of the “goody bag” phenomenon. I can’t stand the idea that the host of the party owes something to the guests. A birthday is a celebration of and for the birthday child, and the party is a way to share the fun. Gifts for the birthday child are a way of recognizing that this is his or her special day. When gifts are given to the attendees, whether you mean it or not, it lessens the special nature of the day for the birthday child. We did not give out goodie bags when I was a kid, and I’m sure this developed out of the egalitarianism that has run rampant in our culture since the 1970’s. We did give each child an extra piece of birthday cake to bring home, along with a couple of balloons. This was just a good way to get rid of all that stuff. We still came home with tons of cake and balloons.
Sam’s real birthday is on Thursday. She hasn’t opened her gifts from us or from the party yet, so we’re going to bring them over to my parents’ RV and have a special dinner and gift-opening event. She’ll also get her usual room full of helium balloons that morning. That is the one birthday tradition we decided on from her first, and we really enjoy it.
Now, I’d better go get my bathing suit on before Sam explodes with anticipation!
We’ve made no real effort to teach Samantha to share or to be giving. She has discovered the joy of sharing and giving on her own, probably just by watching us. Quite often, when she is enjoying a particular food, she’ll offer a bite to me or to her dad. In fact, sometimes she excitedly insists that we try the tasty morsel! But sometimes if we ask for a bite she says no, and we respect that too.
It works that way on the playground, too. Sometimes she enjoys sharing her toys and using others’ toys, but sometimes she just wants to play with her own stuff and not share it at all. We’ve taught her how to use her “firm voice” to say no when other children grab or pester her. (She’s not very good at distinguishing her “firm voice” from her whines or her screams, but she is working on it!)
When we go grocery shopping, I allow Sam to pick out one item, at four dollars or less. She can pick anything she wants. She’s picked candy a few times, but she has also picked scented pinecones, a little cactus in a vase, and Gatorade. Last time we went shopping, she picked out a treat for Toby – Beggin’ Strips. I thought that was just so sweet! And when we got home I got a wonderful reminder of the benevolence of rational selfishness when I saw the look on her face as she gave him one of those treats. I think she got more pleasure from it than from any of her other picks. Except for maybe the M&Ms.
I try not to gripe too much on this blog, but this information is just too important not to share:
Never, ever, ever buy a front-loader washing machine. Here is what is required to avoid your clothes smelling like mildew:
Don’t believe me? Feel free to waste an hour of your life like I had to, reading this stuff.
Full disclosure: I was able to kill the smell with just washing the tub and door seal with bleach, and running a sanitize cycle with bleach (I was surprised to find that I had some). I don’t know how long it will last, though. In the meantime, I’ve run countless loads of laundry through the washer twice, worn really stinky clothes, and thrown away at least a dozen kitchen towels before I realized that the problem was my washer and not my old towels. I already ordered the Affresh tablets so I’ll keep them for an emergency. But this is not progress. This washer looks cool but makes more work for me. Please, do some research before you buy a front-loader!
Sam was reaching up, stretching her arms to the sky. I didn’t know her purpose so I asked:
“What are you doing, Sam?”
She said:
I WAS JUST TOUCHING THE WEATHER.
I mentioned recently that my new doctor recommended moderate exercise to alleviate my pain. I’ve not had a stable enough life situation to have any kind of regular exercise for many years. I did a yoga class here and joined a gym there, but between having a baby, moving four times, and then being pregnant for two months, then not for two months, then pregnant again, then not, etc., I haven’t settled in to any routine. And it was my last yoga class that coincided with the worst pain I ever had, so when the pain came back I decided to avoid physical activity as much as possible.
When I told the doctor this, he said it was possible that exercise might hurt more than help, but that I should give it a shot again. He said that I should only exercise “up to the point of injury,” whatever that means. I can’t even walk without pain, so it’s going to hurt, no matter how little I do. I just took him to mean that I should not push very hard on those areas that give me trouble. And having “doctor’s orders” to exercise is just what I needed, since I was really feeling like a slug and needed that to change.
So I decided to look for the right kind of exercise, but I had the damnedest time. I looked for yoga classes, but there was nothing in the right time slots when Sam was in school. Or there was, but only once a week. What good would that do? Working out on machines in a gym bores me to tears, and I hate having to wait for a machine and remember the whole set of things I want to do. Anything outdoors is out because I won’t do it in hot or cold weather. (Poor Toby has had about two walks in the past three months.) Workouts on tape at home are good, but that takes a lot of discipline. The sirens of The Little Things always beckon. Swimming (indoors) would be perfect, but the transaction costs are too high – an hour of swimming seems to take three hours, what with all the changing and showering and wet clothes.
Then I remembered Curves.
I had used Curves briefly after Sam was born when I was told that exercise might help with my mild post-partum baby blues. I have no idea if it helped because I had to quit just a couple of months later when we moved from Michigan to San Diego because Adam became too busy at work to watch Sam even for a few hours a week. (Curves does not have babysitting services.) And the hell of moving and living out of boxes with a 10-month-old (and a mostly absent husband) made me much crazier and angrier than I had ever been due to hormones. Or maybe it was the hormones that made the moving such hell, or maybe it was that I stopped exercising…but I digress.
Curves is a place filled with little old ladies with short, puffy white haircuts. It’s for women only, which I guess matters to some people. I could care less. I guess the old ladies are there because you can do the workout in just about any physical condition. The little old ladies probably keep out the younger set, but I think that is a big, secondhanded mistake.
Curves is a circuit of about 15 strength-training machines, with cardio stations in between each. You arrive at any time you want and jump into the circuit at any point. You use a machine for 30 seconds, then you do whatever cardio activity you choose (running in place, jumping jacks, leg lifts, squats, etc.) for 30 seconds. Then you move to the next machine. And so on. There is lame but bouncy music on in the background and a voice-over that tells you to “change stations now” every 30 seconds. You do two circuits, then you stretch. The recommended stretches are posted up on a wall. The whole thing takes about 35-40 minutes.
What I like about Curves the most is that you don’t have to think about it at all. The first time you go, you need about 10 minutes of instruction on the machines, and that’s it. (If you want more coaching, I think you can get it.) After that, you show up and go. There is nothing to calculate, measure, or count. Once you get in the groove of it, it becomes very routine. I suppose this might get boring for some people eventually, but I’m pretty good at setting my mind to thinking about other things, so I find the time at Curves to be doubly productive.
Also, the workout is as intense as you want to make it. If you want intense, you push yourself to do more reps in the time allowed, and you do something difficult for the cardio. You can also “double up” on the machines or do more circuits if that floats your boat. I’m sure fitness fanatics scoff at this, but if your goal is simply basic exercise for general heath – cardiovascular fitness, strength, and flexibility – I believe this workout can be challenging enough for anyone. The only exception would be people who simply can’t focus independently without an outsider pushing them. Plenty of the little old ladies at Curves push lazily at the machines and walk in place as they gossip and chatter and never break a sweat. But Curves has a solution even for them, if they choose to use it. Every 10 minutes or so, the voice over prompts you to “move away from your station and find your heart rate.” Then a 10 second count is marked for you so that you can calculate your heart rate. Another poster tells you what your target heart rate should be for your age. How easy is that?
I like that the workout is fast, and that I can go at any time on any day. I can drop Sam off at school at 9, go straight to Curves, come home and shower, and be done by 10:15. That leaves me an hour and a half of continuous me-time before I have to pick Sam up. A formal yoga or cardio class might start at 9:30 or 10 and go for an hour, which would leave me a few minutes on each end. Great, more fractured time – just what I need. (Now, during the summer, Adam stays home with Sam three mornings a week so I can go. It really was a difficult and unusual situation when we were living in San Diego.)
The Curves workout is also compatible with pregnancy, so I won’t have to drop it when the time comes – or comes and goes, as the case may be.
I’ve modified my Curves workout for my pain situation. I realized that jogging in place was making the pain in my feet worse so I switched to low impact cardio only. Usually, I do the elbow-to-knee crossover leg lift, if you know what I mean. One of the machines put a lot of pressure on a tendon in my arm that was sore, so now I skip that machine and double-up on the next one, which happens to be one that I need more work on. I think I’ll want to add in a bit of extra abdominal work once I’m in better shape and I always do extra stretches because having a strong core and being limber are helpful in many situations involving pain.
The Curves franchise is HUGE. There are Curves everywhere! When I travel, I can go to the local Curves if I want. There always seems to be one nearby.
I have to admit, I also kind of like the little old ladies and the gossip. There is a friendly, non-competitive culture at Curves, and it makes for a more pleasant workout.
So, laugh if you will. I get the feeling that Curves is seen as an “exercise for dummies” kind of workout. But my firsthand judgment tells me otherwise.
The Crucible hosts this week’s Objectivist Round Up. Enjoy!
Sam and I were at the grocery store and I picked up a jar of olives. She asked:
WHAT ARE THOSE, MOMMY?
They’re olives.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE WITH THEM, MOMMY?
Chicken with olives and cheese and lemon.
THAT’S NOT RIGHT, MOMMY. OLIVES ARE FOR DRINKS.
The topic of bedtime battles came up recently on an e-mail list that I belong to, and it got me thinking. We really have not had much trouble with bedtime with Sammy. But there are times when we struggle. Our latest bedtime battle was solved by offering a choice.
Sammy recently moved from diapers at night to pull-ups. When she takes off the pull-up to use the bathroom, she turns it inside out and she doesn’t know how to right it, so she calls us. She has learned from this! Now, every single night, the first thing she does after we leave her room is she uses the bathroom. Then we need to return to turn her pull-up right-side-out. Then she demands to be tucked in again. This can all be very time-consuming.
Since we know that the whole going-to-the-bathroom thing is a ploy, we started refusing to tuck her back in, but she raised bloody hell. (There is no way we’re going to discourage her from using the bathroom, so the tuck-in is really the issue!) Finally, I gave her a choice: if she wanted to be tucked in a second time – fine. But she would not get her usual “5 minutes” of talk-time the next night (that is probably her favorite element of her bedtime routine, except for reading books.) I explained to her that I am not willing to spend an hour on bedtime, so if she wants two tuck-ins, she has to give up something else. She agreed with this plan.
So far she has chosen to be tucked in twice every night. But that’s not really a problem – it’s just a new bedtime routine. She hates not getting her five minutes, but I know she understands the issue because she doesn’t push it. If she makes bedtime go on any longer, then we’ll remove other parts of her routine like singing songs or even reading books. I have confidence that eventually, the highest values will win out. And whatever they are, that’s fine with me.
I didn’t intend it to be so, but I think this is a great lesson for Sammy on delayed gratification, using logical consequences. If she wants the special five minutes of talking before bed the next night, all she has to do is stay in bed after the first tuck-in tonight. I don’t think I’ve yet seen Sammy choose a greater good at a later time in any area of her life, but I can see her considering the tuck-in issue. I think she is ripe for this.
But I didn’t think about that when I considered the problem. Really, I just focused on what the real problem with two tuck-ins was – for me. I wasn’t interested in a power struggle, but I also didn’t want this delaying tactic to grow and grow. I want to put her to bed and go read my book! This solution seemed to solve both our problems. And in the process, this great potential lesson has come about. Yay for selfish parenting!
Here’s another thing we’ve been doing a lot of this summer: the townhouse version of the plastic pool.
This little “pool” is really meant for babies, I think, but it fits in our tiny front yard, and it’s even more fun than a regular pool. Sam likes the little fountains of water that spray up when you hook up the hose, and she manages to get herself completely wet. Considering how much we’ve used it, this was a $25 bargain.
I’ve been having trouble with caffeine lately – my body just can’t seem to process it as well as it used to – so I decided to switch from coffee to tea. The trouble is, I hate making tea! You have to wait for the water to boil and then wait five whole minutes for it to brew – all for just one measly cup of tea. I don’t have that kind of time or concentration in the morning. The last time I tried it, I ended up putting salt in the tea, thinking it was the sugar. With coffee, you can set it up the night before and have the liquid heaven in your hand as fast as you can drag yourself to the kitchen and pour it.
I started looking around for faster ways to make tea, but then came upon this little gizmo:
It’s a single cup brewer. It makes coffee, tea, hot chocolate, or even iced tea or coffee. And it makes one cup in about ten seconds.
This device has opened up new worlds of hot beverages to us. If one of us wants a cup of decaf in the evening, we don’t have to go through the whole brewing process for just the one cup. Actually, we never did that – it was more trouble than it was worth. But now Adam has coffee almost every night. I can have coffee or tea, depending on my mood. Adam and I don’t have to use the same brand of coffee. (We were both compromising before.) And when we have guests, we can offer everybody exactly what they want.
This is how it works. You fill the machine with water, and it holds quite a bit. It keeps the water hot enough to start brewing on-demand. (You can also use a timer to keep the water hot only at certain times to save energy, but I haven’t tried that yet.) When you are low on water, it flashes this pretty blue light at you and you just dump some water in the reservoir. The things on the left side of the photo are “K-cups.” I’d seen them in the store but had no idea what they were until we bought this machine. There are K-cups for coffee, tea, and hot chocolate. You stick the K-cup of your choice in a slot, put a cup on the tray and push a button. Ten seconds later you are done.
There are three downsides. When Adam wants to have a thermos full of coffee to bring to work, he has to brew two cups and pour them into the thermos. The brewer has five cup size settings, and one is almost large enough to fill a thermos, but since you’re using the same K-cup no matter what size you pick, the coffee is just weaker. Unacceptable! Still, brewing two cups takes all of thirty seconds, including the time to change the K-cup and pour the coffee.
Next, the K-cups are expensive, they take up a lot of space, and you are limited to the brands available. There are a lot of brands to choose from, but you can’t get Starbucks coffee or Lipton tea, which are our favorites. We hope that will change someday. To deal with the space issue, we got the handy-dandy dispenser shown in the photo which makes the process even more fun. Luckily we have enough kitchen counter space to accommodate this without any trouble. As for the expense, I’m currently bargain-hunting. We’ll probably end up ordering them on-line, which is a bit of a hassle.
Finally, the K-cups don’t allow for the art of brewing either coffee or tea. Adam has always enjoyed grinding the coffee beans to just the right consistency and using the perfect amount of coffee. With this machine, you have no control over the strength of the beverage. There is a way around this problem, too. You can buy a filter which allows you to use your own coffee grounds. It still doesn’t make the coffee quite the same way as a regular brewer, but at least Adam is not limited to the brands available in K-cups.
Overall, we love this thing. When I use it, I feel like Jean-Luc Picard, and that’s priceless:
I can’t believe how busy I’ve been this summer! I’m having trouble unloading the dishwasher and getting the laundry from the washer to the dryer, and the whole house is covered in dog hair and apple juice. (Thank god the maids are coming for their monthly visit on Wednesday.) I think this means that I’m having fun!
My Big Project for the summer was supposed to be getting a new deck installed. It took me about 3 months just to get 3 quotes, and I did a terrible job because each time I finally got someone out here, I asked for something different, so I can’t even compare the bids. It worked out pretty well, though, because as soon as my parents arrived in town, I asked them for advice on the project and now I know exactly what I want. But now I need to start over with the bids. If we get it completed by winter, I’ll be happy.
Adam has been busy painting parts of the house and installing new light switches. I don’t know where he is finding the time, but he’s doing a better job than I am at keeping up with everything.
Sam and I have done no Montessori work at all this month, since my parents arrived in town for the month of August. It seems that every moment we’re not visiting with them is spent doing errands or other life-maintenance activities. Or, if we are at home and looking for something to do, all we have the energy for is watching TV. Mostly we just hang out with my parents, but we’ve gone to the US Geological Society, the Washington National Cathedral, and the county fair. (We might have done more than that but it’s all a blur.) We still haven’t made it to the water park or the aquarium. One month is just not enough time!
Sam has “slept over” at my parents’ motorhome twice since they arrived, so Adam and I have had a couple of great date nights. First, we went to Wolf Trap (the local outdoor concert venue) to see Bugs Bunny at the Symphony, which was mostly for Adam, but which I also enjoyed. Then the next week we saw Hal Sparks‘ stand up act at a small theater. He was hilarious, and it was a great night.
So, this summer is turning into one long vacation. It’s actually been really nice to have Sam at home with me all day, instead of in school. I was so worried that we’d run out of things to do, but the opposite has been true. We can’t seem to fit it all in.
In a few weeks, Sam will turn 4 and then she’ll go back to school. I’ll have a lot more time for the exciting projects I planned at OCON, blogging, and maybe even fiction-writing. Hopefully I’ll be able to make the transition back to that mindset – you know, the one where you actually work on long-range projects.
How did I end up back on the academic calendar? I swear, once we’re done with Montessori we’re going to homeschool year round so we can even out the fun and the work just a bit. Even though work is fun and fun is work, I like each day to have a little of each.
Welcome to the August 12, 2010 edition of the Objectivist Round Up.
Today’s Ayn Rand quote comes from the article, “Bootleg Romanticism” in The Romantic Manifesto. I just finished reading a great mystery/adventure book so these sentiments are uppermost in my mind.
“Thrillers” are detective, spy or adventure stories. Their basic characteristic is conflict, which means: a clash of goals, which means: purposeful action in pursuit of values. Thrillers are the product, the popular offshoot, of the Romantic school of art that sees man, not as a helpless pawn of fate, but as a being who possesses volition, whose life is directed by his own value-choices. Romanticism is a value-oriented, morality-centered movement: its material is not journalistic minutiae, but the abstract, the essential, the universal principles of man’s nature—and its basic literary commandment is to portray man “as he might be and ought to be.”
Thrillers are a simplified, elementary version of Romantic literature. They are not concerned with a delineation of values, but, taking certain fundamental values for granted, they are concerned with only one aspect of a moral being’s existence: the battle of good against evil in terms of purposeful action—a dramatized abstraction of the basic pattern of: choice, goal, conflict, danger, struggle, victory.
I hope you’ve found some good reading lately. Speaking of good reading, let’s move on to the Round Up:
Burgess Laughlin presents A mystic in reason’s camp? posted at The Main Event, saying, “This post briefly describes one pro-reason advocate’s encounter with an unusual type of mystic — at a conference for pro-reason advocates. The post also begins discussion of how best to classify this particular form of mysticism.”
Rachel Miner presents Teaching by Essentials posted at The Playful Spirit, saying, “It’s so easy to overwhelm when teaching new information. I noted this frequently as a nurse when teaching new moms and I see it all the time in parenting! This post is about being most effective when communicating new information and it’s a plug for Scott Powell’s History at Our House too because he does this so well!”
Jane Eisenhart presents I Hope Lady Gaga is Disappointed posted at Hometown Grotesque, saying, “In this blog, I examine the cultural institution that is Lady Gaga using prototypes from The Fountainhead.”
Jim Woods presents Mexico’s Drug-induced Anarchy posted at Words by Woods, saying, “Mexican President Calderón reports to his country that the violent drug gangs and mafia plaguing Mexico seek to replace the state.”
John McVey presents Work on value in my economics ‘grimoire’ posted at John J McVey, saying, “I’ve finally done what I said I’d do regarding criticism of my rejection of the existence of subjective values.”
Roderick Fitts presents A second proof that “Reason is Man’s Means of Survival” posted at Inductive Quest, saying, “A second inductive proof, gained from six weeks of observation and the tutelage of Dr. Peikoff’s OTI course. I’m beginning to understand Objectivism inductively now!”
Ari Armstrong presents Harry Potter’s Lessons for Journalists posted at Free Colorado, saying, “This is an op-ed length treatment of journalism as presented in Harry Potter.”
Sean Saulsbury presents The False Hope of Failure posted at SeanCast.com, saying, “”Failure” is a buzz word in today’s startup and business world. Many are focusing on it, saying not to be intimidated by it. While the intention is good, the growing focus on failure is a false hope that cannot bring success by itself…”
Jared Rhoads presents “How an Economy Grows” by Peter Schiff posted at The Lucidicus Project, saying, “Here are some notes, thoughts, and reactions related to Peter Schiff’s new book, which explains economic growth through a parable.”
Stella presents Government food ratings get an F posted at ReasonPharm, saying, “Unfortunately, New York City has decided to follow many other municipalities in giving letter grades to restaurants. Here’s why New Yorkers should stick to their own judgment rather than relying on a bureaucrat’s grade.”
Martin Lindeskog presents SENATE HALTS EFFORTS TO DESTROY AMERICA | EGO posted at EGO, saying, “Guest blog post by Roland Horvath.”
C. August presents The Great Depression Reenactor posted at Titanic Deck Chairs, saying, “Christina Romer has spent most of her academic career studying the Great Depression. As Obama’s chief economic adviser for the past 18 months, her experience was supposed to help. Instead, she just helped the country reenact her favorite historical period.”
Andrew Dalton presents The mosque is just a symptom posted at Witch Doctor Repellent, saying, “If the United States still had a culture of achievement and resilience, rather than our present morass of harm-avoidance and self-doubt, the New York mosque might not have been an issue.”
Amy Mossoff presents Tumbling posted at The Little Things, saying, “We found a way to help our daughter learn to take some risks. Cute video alert!”
Rational Jenn presents The Story of MiniCon posted at Rational Jenn, saying, “Kelly and I finally got around to writing up a few notes about what we did to get MiniCon 2010 up and running!”
Kelly Elmore presents Poetry Recommendations posted at Reepicheep’s Coracle, saying, “This is the first post in a series that shares most of the content of my Mini-Con course on poetry appreciationg. This is my handout for the class. Check back for videos and comments on enjoying poetry more.”
Diana Hsieh presents Colorado Senate Candidate Ken Buck on Abortion posted at NoodleFood, saying, “Ken Buck is now the GOP’s nominee for Colorado Senator in 2011. Could his views on abortion be any worse? I think not.”
Zip presents In Other News… posted at UNCOMMON SENSE, saying, “In Other News… Rain falls, Dogs bark, alcohol is addictive and bad for your liver.”
Nate Phillipps presents The Rule Of Gold posted at Faith Through Fear.
Peter Cresswell presents The “safety net” is actually a hammock posted at Not PC, saying, “A report into the sacred cow of New Zealand’s welfare state gave me the opportunity to tell two-thousand readers about the moral cannibalism of state welfare–with a little help from the Ayn Rand Lexicon.”
Edward Cline presents Cordoba House: A ‘Man-Caused’ Disaster posted at The Rule of Reason, saying, “I detest Islam because it is one of the most degrading, anti-mind, anti-individual, collectivist creeds in existence. I detest it for all the crimes it has committed throughout history, perhaps more than I do the crimes committed by the Catholic Church in its heyday, perhaps more than the atrocities committed by any religious creed. I understand the sensitivities and emotions of all their victims. So, if that is bigotry, I will make the most of it.”
Jeff Montgomery presents Boulder Three Peak Run posted at Fun With Gravity, saying, “A post about a run/hike in the peaks west of Boulder, CO, with photos.”
Jeff Montgomery presents North Table Mountain Run posted at Fun With Gravity, saying, “I submitted this post mainly for the cool closeup of a grasshopper. What amazing natural engineering.”
That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.
Since my parents live in their motorhome, when they come to visit they often bring laundry–a cute reversal of the usual parent/child relationship. My mom brought a couple of loads the other day, and not only did she do all of my laundry along with her own, but she folded my underwear! Before I was a mom, I would have thought this behavior crazy, but now I get it. I hope that I will have occasional opportunities to take care of Sammy when she is all grown up, too.
OBloggers Most Recent