Confessions

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Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned.  It has been 358 days since my last confession. (Yikes!)

I’m embarrassed by the fact that Sam’s babysitter always sees me in the exact same clothes, since I only have one “out to dinner” outfit.   But to be clear, the confession is the embarrassment, not the lack of clothing!

Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned.  It has been 6 days since my last confession.

I committed the host’s cardinal sin of allowing not 1, but 2 bathrooms to run out of toilet paper during our party last weekend.  I didn’t even have tissues as backup.

Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned.  It has been 143 days since my last confession.

Michael Jackson was my first crush.

I have some mixed feelings today, but mostly I feel sad.  I don’t know whether the allegations of molestation were true.  If they weren’t, he suffered a massive injustice.  If they were, he was evil.  Either way, though, his life was obviously a mess.  What a sad ending for that adorable little boy who sang like an angel and taught the world a new way to dance.

Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned.  It has been 34 days since my last confession.

I love Jon & Kate Plus 8.  This is the reality show about the couple with a set of twins and a set of sextuplets.  Before I watched it I figured that this was a show about a redneck religious family mooching off of gifts from people who think that cranking out a bunch of kids is the lord’s work.

They are indeed religious, which is why they made the choice not to reduce the number of embryos early in Kate’s pregnancy.  While I find that choice to be insane, like just about everything motivated by religion, I do love watching those kids.  They are just adorable.

Kate is also highly amusing.  She’s bossy, controlling, and a total neat-freak, and yet she’s likeable.  Jon seems completely spineless, but as you get to know him you learn that he is mostly just one of the most mellow people you’ll ever observe.  They’re both intelligent and, despite some faith issues, for the most part they parent consciously.  Somehow, they make their family work.  When I feel overwhelmed with my one child, watching this show sometimes helps me gain some perspective.  They have eight.  At one point, they had two 6-year-olds and six 2-year-olds all at once.  Can you imagine!

If you watch the show, tell me who reminds you most of your own child(ren).  Samantha is like both Alexis, the mischievous one, and Aaden, the one they call the “professor,” not just because he wears glasses, but because he is “in his own head” so much of the time.

Confessions

Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned.  It has been 44 days since my last confession.

I’ve grown to like Diane Rehm.  She’s a radio host with a speech impediment.  For years that fact alone made me turn off NPR in disgust every time I heard her voice.  (I’ll never get over the fact that at my very first real job, I worked with a legally deaf woman who was hired to answer the phone!)  Rehm is also an infuriating liberal.  But she is a good interviewer and I learn a lot from her show.  As long as I’m at it, I’ll admit that I think Bill O’Reilly is a good interviewer too, despite his disgusting character and idiotic populist views.  I haven’t watched his show in years, but I always thought he asked real questions, unlike so many “journalists” who elicit nothing of substance from their subjects, except what you already know.

Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned.  It has been 26 days since my last confession.

I ate the last of my daughter’s Halloween candy.

Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned.  It has been 185 days since my last confession. 

I watch too much TV.

From Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I learned to use wet toilet paper to wipe up the dusty hairy gunk from the bathroom counter before using a cleaning product.

From The Newleywed Game, I learned to use pubic hair to lather up soap in the shower.

From the The Man Show, I learned to throw dry garments in the dryer with a wet towel to steam out the wrinkles.

At least you can say that you learned these handy tips from a blog.  I, however, am off to say 5 Hail Hiro‘s and 4 Our Father Who Art in Prison‘s.