We had so much trouble with potty training with Sam that I just couldn’t bring myself to push her on the nighttime thing, even though five years old seems way too old for diapers. We talked her into trying a couple of times over the past year, but she wasn’t excited about it and she didn’t even wake up when her bed was soaked.

Then, suddenly, she was ready, and she asked to wear her special underwear (training pants). She didn’t wear them every night at first, and sometimes she would wear them to start out, but then she’d change into a diaper in the middle of the night rather than use the potty. I allowed her to do it her way. I suppose she might not be completely done with the diapers. I’ll leave them in her drawer and let her decide. But her first dry night is such a big deal.

She’s peed in the underwear a few times but they have some absorbency, so only once have we had to change her sheets. (And it was cleaning day so the maids actually did it for us!)  I’m sure there will be some middle of the night changing of sheets in our future, but what a relief that we’ve gotten this far without that ugly chore.

I am using rewards for this because I promised it to her a long time ago and a deal is a deal. We gave her a star for a dry night and when she gets three in a row we’ll go out for ice cream. But I know that isn’t what is motivating her, or else she would have done this long ago. She’s just finally ready.

And that is our Sam in a nutshell. She does things on her own timetable, and that typically is slower than most children. But nothing we can say or do will speed her up. Then, when she finally chooses to do something, she does it expertly.

Another lesson to note for homeschooling.

How do I reconcile these two things?

Sam was looking at a picture of six birds on a box, which were in two groups of three, and within the groups, there were two small birds and one large bird. She counted, pointing:

One
One, two
One
One, two
One, two, three, four, five, six
So one plus two plus one plus two equals six. And one plus one plus two plus two equals six.

Wow! But the other day, we had this conversation:

Me: Sam, what is four plus zero.
Sam: Ummmm, five.
Me: No. Remember, zero means nothing.
Sam: Ummm, six.
Me: No. Look, I’m holding up four fingers, and I’m going to add nothing to them. Zero. So how many do I have?
Sam: Four!
Me: Yes! Now, what is seven plus zero.
Sam: Eight.
[repeat same explanation]
Me: Now, what is one plus zero?
Sam: Two.
[and so on]

It’s really hard to get an idea of what she understands and what she doesn’t. I’m thinking this means that she still has to have physical objects to count. The zero conversation happened in the car and the only time she could get it was when I held up fingers.

Anyway, it’s all fun stuff! I love to try to figure out what’s going on in that budding little brain of hers.

I took a course at a homeschooling conference that addressed this question – why teach Latin? The answers they gave, as I recall, were:

1. To improve English vocabulary and understanding (Latin roots)
2. To open up new ways of studying history (reading original Latin texts, I suppose)
3. To expose the mind to the structure of Latin, which is logical and almost mathematical, especially as opposed to English
4. To gain the benefits of being bilingual, regardless of the language (not the practicality of the language, but the opening of the mind to the idea that concepts can be represented by more than one concrete)
5. To make it easier to learn other Latin-based languages.
6. There is also Biblical Latin (I forget what you call it), which was another reason for those so inclined.

Actually, I’m not sure they included #4 or if that comes from me. I intend to teach my children Latin (but beginning in 4th grade, not Kindergarten! [as someone had discussed]), and my reasons are primarily #1, 3, and 4, especially #1. I do not intend to teach them to speak, but only to read and write Latin, and if they are very resistant, I wouldn’t push it too hard as a subject. But the final reason I want to teach it is because I want to learn it for those same reasons, and so does Adam. We plan to learn it as a family.

Finally, my fatigue has really started to ease off. I’m still not sleeping well, so I’m still napping most days, but when I’m awake, I have energy. What a relief! I forgot what it is like not to have to drag myself through every daily task, and to actually want to do things other than lie in bed.

As a result, I’ve started in on a lot of the work that has built up over the past two months. Just in the past week, I’ve accomplished so much! I pulled out all of my old maternity clothes and reorganized my closet accordingly. I also received three maternity t-shirts for my birthday and a ton of used maternity clothes from a friend, so I might not have to do much shopping for quite a while.  I did have to buy two new bras, though. My wardrobe is about 60% maternity clothes already, and I’m still in my first trimester. I love it!

I also started in on my most exciting project: developing my curriculum for Sam’s first homeschool year. (I have decided to hire a mommy’s helper for a few hours a day and give it a shot. Thanks for all the helpful comments!) This won’t start until June 2012, but I’m so excited about it that I have to start now, and besides, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do much once the twins arrive. I already have about 10 pages of notes, and I’m feeling great about the whole thing. I have a pretty clear idea of what I want to do, but there are still a few big gaps: I’m not happy with anything I’ve seen for science in first grade, I still have to compare four math curriculums,  I need to compile a list of books to use for literature and reading skills, and other things like that.  But I know where to go to figure those things out. There are no big mysteries left. I just have to put it all together, and remember to keep it as flexible as possible within my standards. Of course, I’ll write much more about this as I get the plans together.

I think I’ve found the perfect stroller. It’s super expensive, but I think the stroller is going to be the most important piece of equipment I buy for the twins, so it will be worth it. I still have to go test it in person, but if it’s as cool as it looks, it’s mine!

I’m trying to start tackling the home improvement projects we need to complete before the twins arrive. I’ve been working on getting new blinds for the past two months and all I’ve accomplished is to buy the materials for the sliding glass doors. I still need to figure out what to buy for the windows and get it all installed. Then, we have to remodel three bathrooms, create storage space in the attic, set up the nursery, and clean out our “junk room,” which is where I’ll set up our homeschool. Those things are the absolute minimum we need to get done before September, and it’s stressing me out because I’m very slow about these projects.

But before I get too involved in those things, we need to buy a new car. That is even more critical than anything else because we can’t fit three kids in our SUV. Well, maybe we could get three car seats in the back seat – I don’t know. But I’m not planning to find out. We need a minivan, and I’m not going car shopping with two infants and Sam to take care of. So that is next on the agenda.

I still haven’t finished planning our Italy trip, either. We leave in exactly three weeks and I don’t even know how to get a cell phone that works internationally yet. I still haven’t booked the museums. I haven’t thought about what to pack. Ack!

But, at least I’m capable of doing things now, so I’m making progress. Man, that fatigue was so bad! Now you know why I haven’t been blogging. And I probably won’t get back into a groove with blogging until we get back from Italy. It’s kind of low on my priority list right now.

Oh, by the way, both twins passed the screening test! It doesn’t mean much – it only rules out a few things, and really, it doesn’t even rule them out, it just tells us that the chances are very slim. But it was another good milestone. My next ob appointment is tomorrow, and I’m actually going without Adam, even though I think I’m having an ultrasound. This will be my first solo ultrasound (out of 20 or so) since I found out about my first miscarriage in September 2009. The fact that I’m comfortable enough to do it is a big milestone, too.

Normal.

I’m eleven weeks pregnant today. Nothing scary has happened for so long that this is starting to feel normal. I think I’m even taking it for granted a bit – that I’m pregnant and we’re having two babies. But I don’t see that as necessarily a bad thing. It just means that success is becoming normal again. That’s the way it should be.

I forgot to mention last week that I finally stopped the meds. Since we were going on that weekend trip to Williamsburg, Adam and I decided to end the progesterone injections and the estrogen pills that Friday. My nurse at the infertility clinic told me to expect some light spotting, which I dreaded, but it never happened. I also didn’t notice any immediate change in my pregnancy symptoms. What is strange, though, is that as soon as we stopped the twice-a-day, pain-in-the-literal-ass injections, I completely forgot about them. I didn’t revel in the fact that we no longer had to do them – the whole thing just disappeared from my mind. A couple of days ago I threw out all of the old meds and needles and that had more of an impact on me than the actual stopping. It was such a relief to have my bathroom counter back and to throw that stuff away, thinking that I’ll never need it again.

I keep thinking that my fatigue is easing up a bit, but then I keep being wrong. I guess what is happening is that I’m having a good day here and there, so that’s progress. I still spend more than twelve hours a day in bed, though. I’m glad American Idol and Survivor have started up again so I can break up my reading with a different lazy activity.

I’m starting on my quest to understand what I’m going to need to do to prepare for the twins. I’ve signed up for a newsletter and I found an on-line magazine. I plan to join my local chapter of Mothers of Multiples, but I have to wait until twelve weeks for that. That group is holding a big consignment sale a week from Saturday. I want to go, but I still have no idea what I’ll need. I might just go to browse and mingle.

I did buy two maternity t-shirts. I haven’t even broken out my old maternity clothes yet, but I really wanted to buy something new, and it felt great. I don’t want to wear anything else but my two t-shirts. Why do I love maternity clothes so much?

I’ve been thinking more about what to do about Sammy’s schooling. My original plan was to homeschool her after Montessori primary, which would begin in June 2012. But when I found out we were having twins who will be nine months old at that time, I realized that I was in some deep doo doo.

My first instinct was to keep her in Montessori for first through third grades. That’s not a bad option, but it is expensive, and I was really looking forward to starting homeschooling, so it’s a bit of a let down. Now, I’m thinking that maybe I shouldn’t rule out homeschooling right away after all. If we don’t accomplish all that much the first year, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I don’t feel any kind of time-pressure to complete Sam’s schooling. In fact, I’ve always imagined that we’re going to run out of pre-college material long before she is 18, and that she’ll be taking classes at a community college and/or doing other things in those teenage years. So that’s not the big issue. The big issues are that I don’t want her to be bored and I don’t want her to be isolated. I’ve always planned on doing actual school at home for just a few hours a day and then doing a lot of activities (academic or otherwise) with other kids after that. Will I be able to get her out of the house when I have two toddlers to schlep around with us? And I don’t want her mind to stagnate. I don’t think it will hurt her to get a half-year or even a year behind where she might have been in regular school, but I do think it will hurt her if she is not challenged for a long period of time.

A couple of people have gently suggested public school to me, but that is not on the table. In regard to my children’s education, I follow the doctor’s principle: “First, do no harm.” Considering the state of our educational system, I think that maxim applies here even more than in medicine. I mean, if I had to work, or if something else made it impossible to do anything except send her to public school, I’d do it, but it would be my last resort.

So, that part is not really a report on my pregnancy, but that’s the kind of thing my pregnancy is making me think about. I’ve actually been quite stressed for the past week or so. I can’t sleep at night, and my mystery pain has not-so-mysteriously returned a little bit. I notice that I constantly have my hands and feet clenched, and I have to consciously relax them throughout the day. Adam and I had to make a major life-decision last week. He was offered a job in Williamsburg, Virginia, and we seriously considered moving. In the end, we decided to stay here, but it was a close call, and the whole process was intense. That kicked my stress into high gear, and I’m having to work really hard to get out of the cycle, since there are so many other new things to think about lately, and I have so little energy to address them.

But I do notice that I am much more self-aware about stress than I was even a year ago. This level of stress is what I used to live with all the time. Now, I have skills to fight it, and I’m using them, and they are working. That’s a good thing, because my whole life is only going to get more intense, more chaotic, and more busy from now on. And damn if I don’t see that as a challenge and an opportunity, instead of a burden that comes along with my values. This is what life is all about. This is the way it should be. This is normal.