Surround Yourself with Things You Value
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This level of perceptiveness is what all adults should aspire to, and I gave Sammy due credit for the observation:
LOOK, MOMMY! A PENIS!
That’s not a penis, it’s your vagina. Boys have penises, girls have vaginas, remember?
BUT MOMMY, LOOK! LOOK HERE. IT’S A PENIS.
Oh, I see. That’s called your clitoris. It’s not a penis. It’s part of your vagina and it’s called a clitoris.
IT’S A PENIS.
No, it’s really not.
IT’S A PRETEND PENIS.
MOMMY, WHY DID YOU STOP?
Because there was a stop sign.
WHY DID YOU GO?
Well, did you see that red light flashing?
YES.
Well, that meant that I had to stop, and as soon as there were no cars coming from the other directions, I could go.
WHY THAT RED LIGHT FLASHING?
It’s to let you know there is a stop sign there.
WHY?
Because the people who built the road put it there to make sure all the drivers know what to do.
WHY?
So that we don’t crash into each other.
WHY?
So that we don’t get hurt and damage our cars.
WHY?
[Giving up] It’s the laws of physics.
MOMMY, WHY YOU LAUGHING?
Sammy and I had our first pillow fight the other day. I was giving her a real pounding and she was laughing so hard that all she could manage were a few tiny swings of the pillow. Finally, she said, STOP, MOMMY. I DO IT MYSELF. So I stopped whacking her and prepared for a blow. She got ready, got set, and popped herself right in the face. It wasn’t an accident. She thought the game was just to hit herself, not each other!
Every time Sammy sees a small object and a large object of the same kind together, they become MAMA and BABY. There are mama and baby balloons, mama and baby trees, mama and baby pillows, mama and baby clouds, and mama and baby mayonnaise globs. She sees mamas and babies everywhere. It’s quite charming.
My daughter is now old enough that I can ask her to remind me of things, and there is a better chance that she’ll remember than that I will. Of course, this only works with things that she values, but I still find it to be quite practical for my own sake, with the added bonus that she gets to exercise her memory and enjoy the rewards of doing so.
I realized this explicitly one morning when I told her to remind me after school to show her a video of hang gliding. (She is still fascinated with flying and I’ve been telling her about all the ways that people can fly, even though we don’t have wings.) I said, “I can show you a video of hang gliding. Remind me after school. Tell me that you want to see the video of hang gliding. Can you say ‘hang gliding?’”
HANG -IDING.
“Good. Hang gliding. Remind me after school, ok?”
OK.
Driving home after school, after we had talked about what work she did at school and what she wanted for lunch, she suddenly said,
MOMMY! YOU FORGOT THE HANG-IDING!
It’s all about values.
When Sammy is very angry, she’ll contradict us in any way she can. She used to make up words to serve that purpose. I’d say, “It’s time to wash your hands,” and she’d respond, NO! IT’S TIME TO WASH MY KENG-GANG!
But lately, she’s been using contradiction through rhyme. I might say, “There is food on your shirt,” and she’ll reply, NO! THERE IS KOOD ON MY SHIRT! Or, I’ll say, “I like that outfit you’re wearing,” and she’ll say, NO! YOU LIKE THAT POW-BIT I’M WEARING!
The other night, Adam said, “You’re hair looks very pretty,” and Sam replied, NO! MY HAIR LOOKS VERY SHITTY!
Sammy made up a new nickname for me: Mumps. Of course, now Sammy is Sumps, Toby is Tumps, Jinx is Jumps, and Daddy gets the honor of being called Dumps.
Lately, Sammy has taken to asking me, MOMMY, WILL YOU MARRY ME? Of course, I always say “yes,” and we have a lovely ceremony.
Here are two little things I learned at the supermarket today that are not necessarily good, but give me some amusement:
I keep waiting for this phase to pass, but it seems to be permanent: Sammy loves elbows. She is always coming up to Adam and me, pinching our elbows, and saying, ELBOWWWWWW, ELBOWWWWWW. She clenches her jaw and it sounds like she is chanting and having some kind of spiritual experience. My theory is that she can pinch an elbow without hurting us (try it!), and what she really loves is pinching. Leave it to a child to find a loophole to the “no pinching” rule.
As a dog, Toby loves to play in the snow. Adam and I have always found it cute how he burrows around in it and then comes up with a little puff of white dust on his nose. A long time ago, we started making Scarface references whenever we saw him do it: “Co-cay-ina,” (cocaine) and “Say hello to my little friend.” Now, Sammy likes to entertain our guests by telling them, SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND CO-CAY-INA. Hopefully nobody will have any idea what she is saying.
The other night we were having dinner and Sammy was in a bad mood. Predictable, but still hilarious:
Would you like anything more to eat?
I’M NOT!
I asked if you were still hungry.
IT’S NOT FAIR. I’M NOT EATING. I’M HUNGRY AND IT’S NOT FAIR AND I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANY MORE.
Please use nice words to tell us what you want.
I’M TELLING YOU! IT’S NOT NICE.
You’re very contrary tonight.
NO, I’M NOT!
MOMMY, LOOK AT TOBY. HE LOOKS SO SAD.
Yeah, I wonder why he’s so sad today.
HE MISSES DADDY.
There’s this really stupid advertisement on a kid’s tv channel where parents are bragging about how their kids know so much from watching tv. Paraphrasing:
I couldn’t believe it when Lucy said “adios” to me when I dropped her off for school!
…and then he told me that the moon revolved around the earth!
At her last playdate, she told her friend that “sharing is caring.”
He pointed to the stop sign and said, “Look, it’s a hexagon!”
Well, I scoffed until Sammy drew a picture this afternoon and then showed me, saying, “Look, mommy, a rhombus!” I had to restrain myself from dancing all over the room.
Of course, she didn’t just pick up some disconnected piece of trivia from tv, but learned this in Montessori, in the context of other shapes, but still, I have to take back at least a little bit of my smugness. It’s just so exciting to see how much they can learn so quickly!
We went to a birthday party the other day where the song, “Who Let the Dogs Out” was played as part of a puppet show. The kids loved it. Sammy and I were singing it together last night, having a great time. Afterwards, in her bath, she took one of her foam letters, a “d,” and plunged it into a cup full of water. Then she let it go so it popped up to the surface and she sang:
WHO LET THE “D” OUT, DU, DU, DU. WHO LET THE “D” OUT, DU, DU DU.
Sam spelled “job” today. She sounded it out and spelled it. Cool.
I’ve found a good way to help remember if I’ve taken my vitamin for the day. (I have to take the vitamin with food, and I don’t eat regularly enough to simply take one with a particular meal.) I keep the bottle in a cabinet and, on even-numbered days, after a take the vitamin, I turn the label facing out. On odd-numbered days, after I take one, I turn the label facing back. This requires an adjustment on months with 31 days (or a February in a leap year), but that doesn’t seem to be a problem. Actually, the biggest problem is remembering what the heck the date is. But I like my system.
Not all of my Little Things are about Sammy, you know. Little Things are minor, everyday actions, objects, and experiences that add up to a life full of deliberately chosen values. I used to think that if you spent your time applying your mind to the acquisition of these Little Things, that you’d necessarily be sacrificing your higher values, but this is wrong. It’s true that we all have a limited amount of time, and even a limited amount of room in our conscious minds, so we have to have a hierarchy of values. But the sum of all the Little Things in one’s life does add up to a great whole, and our pursuit of these things can bring great meaning and fulfillment to our lives.
MOMMY…
I…
WANT…
MORE…
HOT…
[long pause]
[more of the long pausing]
[much patience being exercised by Mommy]
I CAN’T SAY HOT CHOCOLATE! YOU SAY IT!
[If you are a parent, you'll recognize the long pauses as time for the child to think about the fact that she knows the answer will be "no" and is trying to find some way around it. Not figuring out any better way, she simply decides that maybe if she doesn't say the actual words, but tells Mommy to say them, that the answer might be different. But of course, she said the words anyway. Trust me, it's hilarious.]
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