Rational Jenn wrote today about one way children learn to evade: their parents implicitly teach it to them by Parenting by Authority. To Parent by Authority is to expect obedience from your children. “Because I said so,” is the leitmotif of this parenting style. Sure, we may all do this on occasion. Each time we do it, it is a mistake, but the real harm comes when a child is implicitly told over and over again that what he perceives, thinks, feels, and judges, is irrelevant – that what matters is what the authority figure demands.
I’ve been thinking about the same issue, but in regard to education. Since Sammy started Montessori, I’ve been reacquainting myself with all the good reasons I had for choosing this type of school for her. One of those reasons is that Montessori is the only widely available educational system that does not Educate by Authority.
Everything about standard schools is geared towards obedience. Teachers decide what the students will learn, when and by what method. Grades are the major form of feedback, but they do not measure everything the student has learned, only what the teacher has decided is important. There is no freedom for the student to pursue a special interest deeply. Busywork replaces the quest for real understanding. One of the worst features of standard school is the system of grading on a curve, which pits students against each other in unhealthy competition, where one gains at the expense of another, and actual achievement in relation to reality is irrelevant.
Everything about Montessori is geared toward independence. Students interact primarily with their environment, not with the teacher. The students enter a prepared environment of materials that are appropriate for their age. They are free to choose whatever “work” interests them at the moment, focusing on it for as long as it interests them. The teachers are guides, serving only to demonstrate the use of the materials when necessary, or to gently point a floundering child in the direction of purposeful activity. For preschoolers, almost all work is hands-on. At this age, the students do not have the capacity to connect abstract lecture to concrete reality, at least not when learning something brand new. They need to learn with the hand as well as with the mind.
The Montessori method recognizes that external reward systems such as grades are not necessary, and even harmful. Children naturally want to learn. Anyone who has observed small children can see this. The reward for good work is in the work itself, and in the accomplishment. Montessori materials are self-correcting – the children know whether they have done the work correctly without relying on a teacher’s stamp of approval. The blocks of diminishing size must be stacked up from biggest to smallest or the tower will not stand. The cylinders of diminishing size must be placed in the proper holes, or they will not all fit in the puzzle.
Discipline in a Montessori school is almost a non-issue. There is no need for children to sit quietly and listen to a teacher. They are free to roam about the classroom and to interact with each other as they see fit. Because the work holds their interest, they are generally focused on a task, and not seeking attention or looking for an outlet for their energies. The rules that are in place are natural, for the purpose of working in a group setting: children must never interrupt others’ work, must put their materials away when finished, and generally follow the rules of social decorum that adults do. But within those limits, they have a great deal of freedom.
One important freedom Montessori children have is the freedom to make mistakes. Instead of a big red “X” on their paper, children who make mistakes get feedback from reality: from the materials they are using. If a child tries to stack the blocks and fails, he is not judged by any other person. The tower just falls. That is enough. His own, internal motivation is what will drive him to try again, and his primary guide is his own mind. He must make the connection that the smaller blocks go on top before he can build the tower. He may observe the other students and possibly the teacher building the tower, but nobody is telling him what to do. He is free to try again immediately or to wait. There is no external pressure motivating him.
This trust in children’s innate (or, I would prefer to say, natural) desire to learn, to achieve, and to grow – in short, to be good – is analogous to the Positive Discipline principle of Assuming Positive Intent. You should assume, barring any evidence to the contrary, that your child is trying to solve a problem but just doesn’t have the skills yet, or has forgotten how. For example, if your toddler is banging his fork on the table, he’s probably not trying to irritate you. He might be hungry and not know how else to tell you, or he might be exploring the sound or the feel of the vibration of the fork. Your job is not to discipline him, but to try to read his signals with the assumption of positive intent, and to guide him towards the actions that will accomplish what he wants. A teacher’s job should not be to force learning upon the child. The child already wants to learn. What he needs is freedom within limits, and guidance.
Why are Parenting by Authority and Educating by Authority so prevalent? What in the world makes anybody think that children need to be disciplined and forced to learn? There is so much evidence against this, that I can only guess that a deeply rooted premise is at work, and I suspect that it is the idea of Original Sin. I’d like to explore this idea more. I think it has enormous implications for parenting and education. I know that I have unconsciously accepted this premise. I fight it consciously, but it will take a lot more work to fully root it out. But I already see myself thinking about ways I might homeschool differently that I envision it now. Instead of telling Sammy what subject we will study for a semester, I may purchase all the materials I think are appropriate and set them up in a way that she can begin to explore them on her own, and see where it leads. I might break up the day into two, 3-hour study blocks, as they do in Montessori. I might let Sammy go a whole week studying only one subject, or I might require only that math be studied every day. I’m not sure yet. But I see two principles that can guide me: Let Reality be the Judge, and Trust Internal Motivation.
