To celebrate Randsday, you do something not done on any other holiday: you give yourself a present. Randsday is for getting that longed-for luxury you ordinarily would not buy for yourself. Or for doing that long-postponed, self-pampering activity you cannot seem to fit into your chore-packed schedule.

Randsday is for reminding ourselves that pleasure is an actual need, a psychological requirement for a human consciousness. …

Read the full description here. Especially if you’re unfamiliar with Rand’s philosophy, please do click over. You might be surprised to get a taste of what Rand really means by selfishness.

I feel like my life is a series of Randsdays right now. I’m in the process of adding small goals and values back into my life, after having set so many things aside when the twins were born just to survive each day. The first things to go are always The Little Things, and there was one big Little Thing that I had been putting off, which will be my Randsday gift to myself: I’m getting my hair done again! There was no way I could make the appointment for today, but I’m going on Sunday. I don’t care that it takes over two hours and costs a fortune – it makes me feel like a civilized human being, and that is not meaningless.

Here are some other values that I’ve recently added back into my life:

• Basic grooming: Unlike when Sam was a baby, this time around I didn’t neglect my showers. But most other personal grooming activities were neglected. Now I clip my nails, use moisturizer, and even blow dry my hair. Styling my hair is still beyond me, but I think that will come back when I have a nice haircut again.
• Blogging: I’ve been up and down with blogging since the twins were born, but every time I write a post it gives me great satisfaction, so I’m committed to continuing.
• Taking care of my health: Just applying my topical psoriasis medicine was too much for me for a few months. It didn’t matter that my head itched constantly – I just didn’t have the focus on myself needed to take care of the problem. I’ve gotten that back under control and I’ve addressed some other health issues as well. Next step: a dentist appointment.
• Contact lenses: It takes one second to put on my glasses and almost a minute to put in my contacts. No contest in the early days. Besides, you can’t nap with contacts in. I’ve started wearing contacts again on occasion, but I’m still having trouble with the idea that that one minute is worth it. I’ll work on that.
• Clothing: I’ve only had a day or two where I stayed in my pajamas all day, but the first couple of months I was ashamed and depressed every time I got dressed. Buying some new clothing, even if it is a few sizes larger than I want it to be, has helped me to remember what a selfish value one’s appearance can and ought to be.
• Jewelry: I’ve actually worn earrings a few times lately, although I have to stay away from the dangling kind for a while yet. You can’t put a shiny, wiggly object right in front of a baby and expect it to stay put.
• Massages: After just a couple of months, I started getting the occasional massage, and it was well worth it because feeding babies can really give you a kink in the neck. I don’t really need the massages anymore so I’ve moved on to bigger and better things. Namely,
• Exercise: I joined a gym this week, and I’ve worked out twice already! Some might think of exercise as a chore or duty, not worthy of this kind of list. But anyone who has kids understands that exercise can be one of the most selfish, pleasurable activities of the day. Just getting out of the house by myself is huge.

These are the Little Things that I need to do for myself in order to achieve and enjoy the Big Things. It’s not a trade off, in terms of time and effort to accomplish them. And it’s not a sacrifice of the long-range to the short-range. It’s not even a matter of hierarchy. It’s a matter of integration. It’s a matter of being selfish and ambitious in all things, no matter how small. And when we dismiss the small, we lose sight of the purpose and meaning of the big.

Randsday is the time to challenge any duty-premise, re-affirm your love of your values, and honor the principle that joy in living is an end in itself.

Amen.

Of course, one big improvement this time around is that I have experience. That is huge. The change in perspective can be summed up by my new parenting motto, uttered every time some little thing goes wrong: “They’ll live.” Another improvement is that we are now able to afford some hired help.

But there is more to it than that, and all the other reasons fall under one heading: Progress. In the five years since Samantha was born, our society has progressed so much that parenting is noticeably easier. It sounds fantastic, but it’s true. Here are some things that seem indispensable to me as a parent now, which did not exist (or were very expensive or rare) five years ago:

• Amazon Prime – I buy almost everything from Amazon, and since shipping is free and fast (Prime is free for new moms for about 6 months), I don’t worry about batching up my orders. The minute I realize I need something, from formula to a new nursing bra, I go to Amazon and order it. It’s on my doorstep within two days. Not needing to bundle up two babies in the middle of winter for a trip to Target each week is incredibly liberating, not to mention the peace of mind I have in knowing that I’m not going to run out critical supplies.
• Online grocery shopping – This is a stretch because we used an online grocery service in Chicago in 2000 and New Yorkers have had groceries delivered forever. But the service we used in Chicago didn’t outlast the dot-com crash, and we did not have anything in Michigan in 2006. I see that Netgrocer now delivers anywhere in the country (although the prices are pretty steep). Our local service here in northern Virginia is good enough and cheap enough so that Zoe and Leo have yet to see the inside of a supermarket. Do you hear me, parents? I have never had to take my babies grocery shopping! Ever!
• Zappos – Again, a bit of a stretch because Zappos existed before Sam was born, but I had never heard of it, and I think they started with just shoes, whereas they have all kinds of clothing now. Zappos (now owned by Amazon) not only offers free shipping, but free return shipping, which means that I buy all of my clothing online too. You have to rewire some brain circuitry to take full advantage of Zappos. Think about it: for the price of one pair of shoes, you can buy twenty pairs of shoes at a time, try them all on at home, and return nineteen pairs. Yes, you can.
• The Kindle – Feeding babies is pretty boring work. After a few minutes of bonding, you need entertainment. I don’t like having the TV on during feedings, and holding a book one-handed, even a paperback, is painfully difficult. With Sam, that left me with magazines, and since a new parent’s brain-power is reduced by about 50%, I couldn’t handle anything more than Us Weekly. The Kindle gets all the credit for all the good books I’ve been able to read since Leo and Zoe were born. I’m not talking high literature – the brain-power problem has yet to be solved by technology – but detective fiction and mysteries…what an improvement!
• The smart phone – Besides reading, during feedings I often use my phone to check e-mail and Facebook. I’ve gotten pretty good at holding it and typing with just one hand. In fact, I take care of almost all my e-mail during feedings. That’s my kind of multitasking!
• The tablet – I’ve finally found a use for my iPad! When I’m not up to reading or e-mailing, I turn to the iPad. It’s too heavy to hold and use with one hand, but I can set it on the table next to me and watch streaming media or listen to audiobooks.
• Streaming media and audiobooks – Okay, these things were probably around five years ago, but the accessibility and selection is so much greater now, that they really count as new developments. How many of you were watching whole TV shows online or regularly listening to audiobooks in 2006?
• Digital cameras that replace camcorders – having just one photo- and video-taking device makes it much more likely that I’ll take video at all, and it’s so much simpler.
• Single-cup coffee brewers – Now affordable for home use. Need I say more?

Of course, there are many, many other incremental improvements. Our double-stroller is not a new concept, but it is much better than those sold in 2006. And our Honda Odyssey is just a new model, but it’s the first minivan to allow three children to be seated in the middle row, all using the Latch system (the safest method of attaching the car seats). I don’t think Zoe and Leo are receiving any vaccines that weren’t available in 2006, but Rotateq was brand new when Sam was born, and the twins are getting Synagis (more important for preemies), which became available about a dozen years ago.

It doesn’t seem possible that so much could change in so little time, but the wider context is even more staggering. Consider Dr. Harry Binswanger’s brilliant exercise in perspective:

The actual living conditions for Americans of 1826 were essentially those that had obtained during most of human history. If you transported Shakespeare from 1600 London to 1826 London or New York City, he’d find little that was strange to him, only improvements on what he already knew. That would be mostly true even of bringing Aristotle to 1826. But if you took Jefferson from 1826 and transported him to contemporary America, he would think that we’ve become a race of gods. He couldn’t even grasp radio, let alone DVDs, Mars rovers, Googling, gene therapy, and 3-D printing. Yet, it takes only two 93-year lifespans to stretch that 186 years.

In the history of mankind, an awful lot has happened in a very short time.

(Quoted, with permission, from Dr. Binswanger’s e-mail list, HBL)

I imagine a not-too-distant future where mothers are making casts of their breasts so that they can manufacture customized nipples for their babies’ bottles using their 3D printers, where there is a device that automatically removes the white part of a baby’s fingernails, no clipping required, and where we finally have the “brain in the sky,” as I like to call it – the computer from Star Trek that holds all the data you’ll ever need, which you access with your voice and which talks back to you if you want it to. We’re getting close to the last development already. We have Google, wireless access, and Siri. All we need now are the implants that allow us to get rid of those clunky input/output devices we call smart phones, and some refinement. That’s when technology will have solved the new parent brain-power problem.

If you, too, look forward to such an amazing time, take note – you’re  living in it now. We are a race of gods.

Still, it’s a win because they both did it together. I see a light at the end of the sleepless tunnel.

Of course, those types of experiences are totally irrelevant to a baby. What is different is the experience for us, the parents. With Sam, we were determined not to let our baby interfere with our travels and adventures, and that was good. But with two babies and an older child, I am determined to do as little as possible, and to take things as slowly as possible. And that is working out well this time around. I know that we’re going to have countless adventures together, all five of us, and this time I don’t need to prove it to myself. This time, I can allow myself to take a time out from those things, and just relax and get to know these two little beings in peace.

Me: So, for instance, you might be playing with a toy, and Leo might come over and say, “I want that!” and try to grab it away from you. But it’s your toy and you want to play with it and you don’t want him to have it. What do you think you would do then?

Sam: Hmmm. I think I would tell him that there are a lot of toddler toys he can play with on his toy shelf and try to give him one.

Me: Wow, that’s a great idea! I think that might work because toddlers are easily distracted. Now, we also have a lot of toys and things in the house that we all share. Like that book over there. That is not your property – it’s for everyone in the house to read. What would you do if both you and Zoe wanted to read it at the same time?

Sam: Hmmm. I think I would tell her that I could read it and she could look at the pictures.

Me: Wow, I didn’t even think of that one. Good thinking.

These were her own, original thoughts, based on all the principles we’ve been modeling and teaching her for the past few years. I was so impressed, not just with the content of her ideas, but with her conceptual ability. Normally, she is the “grabber” and Adam and I are the ones who suggest these kind of ideas, but she applied it all to this new situation.

None of this means that she’ll actually do these things in the heat of the moment – that’s something she’ll have to work on when the time comes. But she has a solid foundation for the challenges of cooperation and conflict resolution. Not bad for a kid who was an only child for five years! It’s nice to be reminded that, though I’m still confused and struggle with parenting issues all the time, I’m doing a damn good job.