Quotes

Driving around Florida:

MOMMY, LOOK AT THAT PINK HOTEL OVER THERE.  IT LOOKS LIKE A CASTLE.  MAYBE BARBIE LIVES IN THERE.  MAYBE SNOW WHITE LIVES IN THERE.

[pause]

YEAH, BUT SNOW WHITE CAN’T LIVE IN THERE BECAUSE IT’S JUST A HOTEL.

Excitedly, in the airplane, as a continuous monologue:

MOMMY, IS THAT THE PLANET EARTH?

MOMMY, LOOK AT THOSE CLOUDS.  I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO BOUNCE ON THEM!

I REALLY WANT TO EAT THEM!  I WANT TO PUT THEM IN MY MOUTH.  THEY LOOK SO GOOD!

MOMMY, I THINK THOSE CLOUDS ARE A GOOD HIDING PLACE.  I WANT TO HIDE IN THEM!

Sam was eating a hot dog for lunch, while I had leftover steak:

Me:  Did you know that steak comes from cows?  I’m eating a cow right now!
Sam:  UH HUH.
Me:  And did you know that pork comes from pigs?  And bacon comes from pigs.  And hamburger comes from cows. 
Sam:  MM HMM.
Me:  And, of course, turkey comes from turkey and chicken comes from chicken.  And salmon is a type of fish.  Did you know that we eat fish?
Sam:  YES, AND HOT DOGS COME FROM DOGS!

Me:  What do you want to be when you grow up, Sammy?
Sam:  A BABY.

Sam:  MOMMY, WHY YOU GIVE THE GUM TO DADDY?
Me:  Because it’s daddy’s gum, so I gave it back to him.
Sam:  YOU CAN’T KEEP THE GUM BECAUSE IT’S DADDY’S PROPERTY.

Sam:  MOMMY, I’LL PET JINX AND YOU PET DADDY.

• MOMMY, I WAS JUST OUTSIDE WITH MY BOY, MY BOY, MY BOY, MY BOYFRIEND.

• What happy things are you going to think about when you are going to sleep tonight, Sammy?
• I’M GOING TO THINK ABOUT PARALLELOGRAM, RHOMBUS, AND PANDA BEAR BUTTS.

• I’m sorry, Sammy, I was wrong about that.
• WHY?
• I made a mistake.
• JUST LIKE DADDY.

After lathering up her hands with a lot of white, bubbly shampoo:

MOMMY, LOOK!  I HAVE GLOVES JUST LIKE SANTA CLAUS!

Talking about climbing the bookcases, which she knows is dangerous:

MOMMY, IF I CLIMBED THAT, I’D FALL DOWN AND HURT MY EYE, AND I CAN’T GET A NEW ONE SO I’D JUST HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.

She’s been mumbling a lot lately and she makes me giggle with her response to my query of “What did you say, Sammy?”

I WAS JUST TALKING WITH MYSELF, MOMMY.

After dropping a piece of food on to her chair in between her legs:  I DROPPED IT AND MY BOTTOM CAUGHT IT!

Mom:  Sammy, you can have an M&M when you finish your lunch.
Sam:  MOMMY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE MY FOOD?

MOMMY, WHAT ARE YOU EATING?

Pork.  Do you know what animal pork comes from?

PEOPLE?

Another classic exchange:

MOMMY, WILL YOU DRAW A HOUSE?  MY HOUSE, MOMMY – DRAW MY HOUSE!

[As I'm drawing] “…and here is the chimney and here is the front door, and here are the stairs in front, and here is the grass…”

DON’T FORGET THE MUD, MOMMY!

Sammy:  IF I WENT IN THE DINOSAUR’S MOUTH, IT WOULD SUCK ME UP.

Me:  And what noise would it make?

Sammy:  BURP.

A few of Sammy’s latest funny quotes:

[Seeing a fat man at Target]:  MOMMY, LOOK!  THAT’S A BIG BELLY!  BIG BELLY,  MOMMY!  BIG BELLY BIG BELLY BIG BELLY!

[Inspired by the song "Fast Monkey," which tells of someone who is faster than a fast monkey, slower than a slow monkey, louder than a loud monkey, etc.]:  I’M MADDER THAN A MAD MONKEY!

I HAVE A SWEET TOOTH BUT IT FELL OUT AND NOW I’LL NEVER FIND IT AGAIN.

NO!  I DON’T LOVE YOU, DADDY.  I DON’T LOVE YOU GOOD, DADDY.  I LOVE YOU BAD, DADDY!

Me:  Ah, I love this weather.

Sammy:  WHY YOU LOVE THIS WEATHER, MOMMY?

Me:  Well, because it’s cool, and…

Sammy:  MOMMY, WHY YOU TALKING TO THE WEATHER?  MOMMY, WHY YOU TALKING SO MUCH?  MOMMY, STOP TALKING SO MUCH.

Amy:  Samantha, why aren’t you wearing a diaper?

Samantha:  I HAVE BRAINS IN MY BODY!