Siblings

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More Sibling Stuff

November 9, 2011 in Parenting, Siblings | 1 comment

This morning, I discussed with Sammy, for the very first time, the fact that she might get into fights and arguments with her brother and sister when they get older. Here was part of our conversation:

Me: So, for instance, you might be playing with a toy, and Leo might come over and say, “I want that!” and try to grab it away from you. But it’s your toy and you want to play with it and you don’t want him to have it. What do you think you would do then?

Sam: Hmmm. I think I would tell him that there are a lot of toddler toys he can play with on his toy shelf and try to give him one.

Me: Wow, that’s a great idea! I think that might work because toddlers are easily distracted. Now, we also have a lot of toys and things in the house that we all share. Like that book over there. That is not your property – it’s for everyone in the house to read. What would you do if both you and Zoe wanted to read it at the same time?

Sam: Hmmm. I think I would tell her that I could read it and she could look at the pictures.

Me: Wow, I didn’t even think of that one. Good thinking.

These were her own, original thoughts, based on all the principles we’ve been modeling and teaching her for the past few years. I was so impressed, not just with the content of her ideas, but with her conceptual ability. Normally, she is the “grabber” and Adam and I are the ones who suggest these kind of ideas, but she applied it all to this new situation.

None of this means that she’ll actually do these things in the heat of the moment – that’s something she’ll have to work on when the time comes. But she has a solid foundation for the challenges of cooperation and conflict resolution. Not bad for a kid who was an only child for five years! It’s nice to be reminded that, though I’m still confused and struggle with parenting issues all the time, I’m doing a damn good job.

15 Weeks

April 6, 2011 in Pregnancy, Siblings, Travel | 1 comment

Thing 1 and Thing 2 are now the size of apples. When Sam was in my tummy, Adam and I used to give her a new nickname each week based on what sized fruit she was. She was Grape, Kumquat, Tomato, Pineapple, etc. We don’t seem to have that intense focus on the development of our twins. I like to read about their development each week, but I don’t spend half my day picturing what they look like and how they are growing. Where did I get all that time five years ago?

What I’m looking forward to now is feeling them move. I’ve had a few fluttering feelings over the past couple of weeks, but nothing that becomes regular. It could just be gas. But it should happen soon. I didn’t feel Sammy until I was about 19 or 20 weeks along, but I expect to feel two babies sooner than that. I wonder if, later on, I’ll be able to tell one from the other by their movements. I can’t wait!

I just bought the super-stroller. Man, is it gorgeous! And we’re definitely buying a new Honda Odyssey. (You MUST watch the video tour – it’s hilarious.) The 2011 model allows you to put three car seats in the second row, which is just about the greatest thing I’ve ever heard of. When I found out the price of these minivans I almost threw up, but after seeing a real live Odyssey at the dealership, the price seems like a bargain. This is the automotive version of the stroller. It’s so clever and innovative! There is a “cool box” which is a storage compartment cooled by the a/c (separately controlled) for drinks or snacks; the seats move around in to just about any position you could imagine; you can use the key fob to open the windows and moon roof remotely to cool the car off before you get in it on a hot day. And I can’t tell you how excited Sam is to be getting the car with the automatic sliding doors. She points out every minivan on the road and asks, “Does that one have automatic doors? Are we getting one like that?” I’m really happy that I’ll have the option to keep her in the second row instead of sticking her in the back-back. That would just add insult to the injury of losing her only-child status.

Speaking of that, I haven’t really started preparing Sam much yet (unless you count watching A Baby Story together preparation). We talk about the babies a lot, though. We talk about how she can hug them and pick them up, and how she can help me by getting bottles and diapers. We also talk about how they will cry a lot, and how they won’t be much fun until they get bigger, and how I’m going to have to spend a lot of my time taking care of them. Eventually, we’ll probably get her a book or two about getting a new sibling. I’m not overly concerned about how she’ll handle it. She is definitely “spoiled” in the sense of getting tons of attention from us, but she is also quite independent, and she’s old enough where she isn’t at that sensitive stage where it’s really hard to give up even a piece of mommy. On the other hand, we had some house guests a couple of weeks ago with two boys – almost-four and one year old. Sam did not do well with them at all, and it wasn’t like these boys were bullies or anything. It was the first time that I’ve ever seen her not get along with other children. It might have been a clash of personalities, but it also might have been a bit of insecurity on her part – the baby was sick and crying a lot and I wonder if that affected her. And this was the first time we’ve actually lived with another family with children so close in age. It’s hard to know. So, I’ll prepare her for the twins in every way I can think of, and I already have a plan as to how I will carve out special time with her once they arrive.

Last weekend, Adam created storage space in our attic by buying a ladder that actually reaches up there, and putting down some plywood over the joists. That is step 1 of about 30 on my “must do before twins” list.

We leave for Italy in one week. I’ve made all of the official travel plans and now I’m starting to think about packing. I bought a bunch of airplane toys using the great recommendations from this web site (blue painters tape – brilliant!). We have two international-capable phones waiting to be activated. We have our passports. I have a good credit card that won’t charge me international fees. What I’m worried about is my clothing. I’m growing so quickly that it’s hard to know what I should bring. I’m probably going to have to plan it all out this weekend to determine whether I need to buy anything.

And on that note, here is the latest photo!

Twins

February 24, 2011 in Pregnancy, Siblings, Twins | 4 comments

Okay, now you can all congratulate me.  I’m pregnant.  And we’re having twins!

Oh, I guess it’s not really earth shattering news for you anymore, huh?  But it is for me.  This is the day I’ve been working towards for almost two years now. I’m past the miscarriage zone, or far enough for my comfort, anyway.  Both babies are perfect, with perfect little heartbeats, growing at the perfect rate, and living in a perfect environment.  I will no longer qualify that statement with “for now” or by saying, “things can still go wrong.”  No, I’m past that.  We are going to have two more children. It’s going to happen!  Ack!  I can hardly believe it!

So, two more.  Hmmm.  I’m still ambivalent about the whole twins thing.  I mean, I was supposed to be an expert this time around.  I was supposed to be one of those other moms – you know, the ones with more than one child who watch their toddler falling on her face and don’t even twitch unless they see blood.  The ones who walk through the supermarket with kids hanging off all sides of the cart and a baby in a sling nursing while they chat on the phone and point to items on the shelves that the oldest child dutifully picks up and puts in the cart.  The ones that don’t feel the need to talk about every little logistical problem with bottles and car seats and toilets because, well, Been There Done That And It’s Really Not All That Exciting, Folks.  The ones with the experience.  The ones who know what the hell they are doing.  The Others.

But that is not going to be me, ever.  I’m going to be just as clueless this time around, because just about everything is different with twins.  I mean, I guess some of my experience will help.  One big thing that I’ll know this time around is that whatever it is that seems impossibly difficult or painful or stressful will pass.  I will not be stuck in the house forever.  I will regain all of my old values, eventually.  The babies will someday learn to use the toilet.  I’ll also know that I am capable.  I know I can do this, even with two little ones plus Sammy.  But other than that, I’m like a new parent.  Breastfeeding is a whole new mysterious realm, when I imagine having to feed two.  Where will they sleep?  How will I manage to carry two little babies and a double stroller out my front door?  Can we afford this?  How do you soothe two crying babies at once?  Will we be able to travel?  When do I get to shower?

That’s all the negative stuff.  The obvious positive is:  two new human beings that I get to watch grow up!  I really do want that.  It’s hard to imagine that I could have two more relationships like the one that I have now with Sam.  But if it’s true, and you really can love more without losing anything, my life will be unimaginably rich.

And hell, I kind of like the idea of being clueless again.  That’s part of what makes it all so exciting!  I get to delve into a whole new world – again.  My life will be filled with huge new challenges, and I’ll meet them – again.  I’ll be surprised and delighted (and pained and stressed) at all the things I never anticipated – again.  And that’s what I wanted from the start – to do it all again.

I feel very lucky that I’m going to get to experience two very different age-gaps amongst my children.  Sam will be five when the twins are born.  And the twins will be the same age.  So I’ll have children who have that big gap in their ages that seems to smooth over a lot of difficulties with siblings.  I’ll also have a helper in Sam when the babies are little, and I’ll get to see her mentor them and teach them.  At least, that’s how I imagine it.  And I’ll also have two children who are so close in age that they have that potential bond that we all imagine twins can have.  Of course, they might not get along at all, but there is that potential for closeness. The age-gap between Sam and the babies is wide enough that I feared I would miss out on a lot of the interaction between the children that people say is so amazing when you have a second.  Sam still won’t have that experience of a sibling close to her own age, but the twins will have it with each other, and I think Sam will be old enough that even she will enjoy watching that.  It’s really makes for quite a nice little family, I think.

Little?

Oh, man.  A family of five.  Not so little.  Is this really happening?