Teaching Moments

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Good Guy

Me: Sam, we’re going to go to New York again in January!
Sam:  NEW YORK?
Me:  Yes, remember the place with all the really tall buildings?
Sam:  YEAH.
Me:  Remember how we went to the top of the Rockefeller Center building?
Sam:  UH. UM?
Me:  That was the building where we went to the top and then we went outside on top and we were really high?
Sam:  OH YEAH!  MOMMY, WHAT’S ROCKEFELLER?
Me:  Rockefeller was the man who built the building.  [I had to look it up later to be sure, and it was his son who developed it, but of course, THE Rockefeller is who made it possible, and that's what I meant.]
Sam:  WAS HE A GOOD GUY OR A BAD GUY?
Me:  He was a good guy.
Sam:  WHY, BECAUSE HE HELPED PEOPLE?
Me:  No, because he made lots of money by working hard, and because he built that big building.

Don’t let the alliteration fool you.  This is not a Three Good Things post. Actually, it’s more like Three Bad Things.

I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon today about the liposuction.  I mentioned both my recurrent miscarriages and my mystery pain, and he told me that he is almost certain that I have lupus.  When I told him that there is lupus in my family, he was even more convinced.  I won’t go into his arguments or his credentials here, but the bottom line is that he convinced me that I shouldn’t write it off just because my bloodwork was negative.  (Lupus is such a problem in pregnancy that it is part of the standard battery of infertility testing, plus I’d been tested by a rheumatologist a couple of years ago.)  It may sound crazy, but I hope I have lupus.  If I do, it is treatable.  And it would explain every single health issue that I have.  So I guess that’s not such a Bad Thing after all.  But still, my god, lupus.  Liposuction and everything else is on hold while I explore this new possibility.

Returning from the appointment, which was about 20 miles away from home, I took a wrong turn (I was thinking “lupus, my god, lupus.”) and ended up being 45 minutes late picking Sam up from school.  (That’s what happens in the DC area when you make a wrong turn.)  I called and called the school on the way there but nobody answered until 15 minutes after pickup time.  Poor Sam was sitting there waiting for me, not knowing where I was.  It was awful.  I felt like I had abandoned her.  It was even worse because, during this first week of school, the new kids go home an hour early, and every time Sam sees their mommies coming and I don’t come, she cries.  I’ve been reassuring her all week that, “I will ALWAYS come and pick you up.”  And then I wasn’t there.  One of my worst parenting moments.  Ack – I’m flinching as I write this.

Then Sam’s teacher handed me the dreaded letter saying, “There has been a case of lice in your child’s classroom.”  They said Sam was checked and nothing was found, so I didn’t think much about it.  Then we went to Chick-Fil-A (as a way for me to make amends for my abandonment), where I told Sam she could play in the indoor playground and we could get a shake.  But standing in line, I saw a tiny black bug on her head.  I pulled her aside and looked at her scalp and it was covered, I mean, just covered, in tiny white specks.  I had just read in the letter that this is what the lice eggs look like.  So we got our food (and shake), but I told her she couldn’t go in the playground.  She was devastated. The place was so packed we couldn’t find a table, so one of the workers brought our tray of food out to an outdoor table.  I thanked him for bringing the food and said, “With the day that I’ve had, I really appreciate the help.”  We sat and ate, and a few minutes later, the worker came out and said, “Since you’re having such a rough day, I thought I’d bring you a little treat.”  And he gave us a yogurt parfait.  It was an excellent Teaching Moment, as I explained to Sam how most people are nice and good, and how that man just made my whole day.  That was a really Good Thing.

Then I noticed that the little white specks came right off Sam’s head when I brushed them with my fingers.  It turns out that Sam just went a little wild in the sandbox at school.  I promised to take her back to the Chick-Fil-A playground tomorrow.  So that worked out ok, too.

I don’t have any neat way to tie up this little story.  I just had a remarkably difficult day.

Sam and I were watching a slide show of random old photos on my computer.  A picture of Geddy, my cat who died before she was born, came up on the screen.  Sam knows all about death.

Sam:  IS THAT GEDDY?
Me: Yes.
Sam:  AND HE DIED.
Me: Yes.
Sam:  AND YOU MISS HIM?
Me: Yes.
Sam:  AND YOU WISH HE WOULD COME BACK?
Me:  No.  I don’t bother wishing he would come back because I know he never can, so I just think about all the happy times with him and how much I loved him.

She actually paused and thought about that for a moment.

This Teaching Moment is one of my favorite kinds.  It doesn’t really teach Sammy something specific, but is just a way to identify and emphasize my values. 

Sammy and I were in the car and I was listening to Diana Hsieh’s latest Atlas Shrugged podcast.  I stopped the playback to think about something she said, and Sammy said, WHAT HAPPENED TO DI-NANA, MOMMY? 

“I turned it off.”

WHY?

“Because I’m thinking.”

WHY?

“Because Diana has interesting things to say and they make me think.  That’s why I like to listen to her – because I like to think.”

Sammy and I were eating applesauce out of those little disposable cups, using regular, stainless steel spoons.  When I finished, I set my spoon on my napkin.  Sammy said, WHERE’S YOUR SPOON, MOMMY?  “It’s here on my napkin.”  YOU PUT IT THERE SO YOUR CUP DOESN’T FALL OVER.  “That’s right – if I set it in the cup, the cup tips over, like this.”  I put my spoon in my cup and it tipped over.  Sammy knows how this works from her own experiments, but I was impressed that she could identify the reason I set my spoon on the napkin.

After I showed her how it tipped over, I suggested she try her own, which was still about half full.  IT DOESN’T TIP OVER, MOMMY!  “Do you know why yours stays up and mine tips over?”  BECAUSE MINE STILL HAS APPLESAUCE IN IT!  “That’s right!  Because it still has applesauce in it, it is heavier.  See, lift them both up.”  And she picked up the empty and the half-full cups to feel their weight. (I didn’t want to teach her about how the weight was distributed, just the simplest, observable facts.)

Then I asked her, “What do you think will happen if I put water in my cup?”  I poured some water from her glass into my cup.  “Do you think it will stand up?”  YES.  “Look, you’re right.  It’s heavier with the water in it so it stands up.”

Then  we had fun pouring water back and forth and testing our theory.  I wanted to try just a bit of water and show her that if there was not enough, it would not stand, but there was too much spilling before we got there. 

It’s not too difficult to find “teaching moments” like this, since a 3-year-old is constantly noticing things, experimenting, and asking WHY?  Sammy is finally into the WHY stage in a big way and I’m loving it.  This is the part of parenting that I’ve been looking forward to!  I hope I can build a good thread of Teaching Moments here on my blog, because these are true Little Things.