The Twins Update

Zoe and Leo are now two very different babies. Different than last month, and different than each other.

Leo is growing hair. It’s not as light as it used to be, and it looks pretty funny because it’s just a patch right over his forehead. It’s fun to give him a mohawk.

Zoe is no longer the frail, delicate baby she used to be. She’s positively chubby. We call her chipmunk because of those cheeks.

I was right about their eye colors. Leo’s are a nice blue and Zoe’s have finally morphed over to brown. I’m excited that we can finally sing “Brown Eyed Girl” to one of our children.

Both of them have become much more aware of the world this month. They are both easily distracted while eating, which can be annoying. When I take them out in the car it’s no longer a guaranteed nap – they both try their best to stay awake and observe everything. They are both more aware of people, but Zoe in particular is beginning to have preferences. As I wrote about earlier this month, she did not like our backup babysitter. But she seemed instantly taken with Sammy’s teacher. Leo will bestow his adorable smile upon anyone who pays attention to him.

Because of this awakening awareness, they are showing the first signs of getting bored, or whatever the baby equivalent of that is. I can no longer leave them happily lying on the floor for very long. They often need a change of scenery, and they seem to like it when we have guests or get out of the house. I have been getting them out a bit more, and it’s getting easier. As long as we can make it through the winter, I think we’ll be okay. I’ve been extremely lucky that this winter has been so mild. We haven’t even had to put the sleeping bag thingies on the car seats, let alone bundle up two babies for an outing in seriously cold weather.

We’ve entered the world of drool, especially with Leo. I wish that meant that we were done with spit up, but no such luck. Both Zoe and Leo can pick up rattles and small, soft toys, and put them in their mouths. They love to sit in their Bumbos because it leaves their hands free to put things in their mouths. Everything goes straight to the mouth now. I found a small piece of felt on their blanket yesterday and realized that it’s time to start being careful.

Sometimes I think all these new developments are making things harder, but if I ever need to remind myself of what the first months were like, all I have to do is look at the feeding charts. We stopped charting just a few days ago. I gathered up the papers yesterday to put in the baby box. We have 44 pages of recorded feedings, diaper changes, medications, and baths. In the first days and weeks, if you look at the times, it’s just crazy. Did they really eat at 10pm, 1am, 4am, and 7am? Both of them? For days on end? Yes, they did. Things are definitely easier now.

When it comes to development, Leo continues to be a superstar. He is now an expert at rolling onto his tummy and doing “push ups.” He actually likes being on his tummy and will even sleep that way, although sometimes he can’t get back onto his back and that drives him nuts. One time he rolled quite a ways off of the playmat – it looked like he was heading towards a ball that was on the ground. But he never made it, so he has changed his focus to crawling. He has started the “inchworm” move – while lying on his tummy, he’ll arch his back like a cat and then straighten out, pushing forward from the knees on the ground. He has managed to locomote forward a little bit this way. And he loves to stand up! If you give him just a bit of support and help with balance, he’ll stand for a minute at a time. It’s amazing. You can even get him to take steps if you move him like a marionette. I know that boy is going to be a handful in just a few months.

Poor Zoe is just slower than Leo, so her accomplishments don’t get as much attention. But she is progressing. She is much better at holding and picking up objects than she was last month. She just learned how to roll from her tummy to her back – her preferred position. She hates being on her tummy, but I’ve seen her working on the roll from back to tummy so I think that will happen soon. Her vocalizations have gone from learning new consonants to learning new tones and sounds. She practically sings. It’s adorable. She also seems to be learning to love dolls. Since she loves people and faces, this does not surprise me.

Leo laughs a lot. His joy is infectious and it is filling our house with goodness. But he also cries a lot. He’s entered some new phase where he cries when we leave him in his crib. Sometimes it seems like he is upset about having rolled onto his tummy. Sometimes I think he just wants to be back out where all the action is, or that he is lonely. And there is the possibility that he just needs more Zantac. We’ve even speculated that he might be teething, but it’s been a couple of weeks and nothing has broken through. It’s hard to tell with Leo. He’s very expressive – everything is big and loud and over the top, so subtleties are lost.

Zoe, on the other hand, seems so easy to read. I look into her eyes and I just know what is going on. When she is hungry or tired, she just tells me, and I take care of her. It’s all so simple and easy. The downside is that she does not smile or laugh as much as Leo. She’s not what you would call the life of the party. She is earnest, simple and sweet.

We let them join us for a little bit of The Lion King last weekend. I watched Zoe’s eyeballs flick around, taking in every visual detail, as Leo “sang” along with “Circle of Life,” unable to observe without participating. Meanwhile, Sammy talked and asked questions through the whole movie, as usual.

Three very different children.

Adam and I have done a great job not calling Leo and Zoe, “the twins” very often. They are individuals and deserve to be treated separately. But sometimes it just makes sense to refer to them together. When I wrote my first monthly update, I deliberately decided to do one update for both of them because otherwise I knew it would be too overwhelming and I’d drop it. They sleep in the same room, so are we seriously going to call it “Zoe and Leo’s room?” We feed them at the same time so are we seriously going to say, “Time to feed Leo and Zoe?” No. There is something to be said for efficiency in these matters. But because we had it in our heads not to call them “the twins,” in these moments we subconsciously searched for a nickname, and somehow they became “the Beasties.”

Wow – look how much more mature they are at four months! The way they are holding hands is typical. They grab at each other all the time, and if they’re hungry, they’ll suck on each other. I’ve caught Leo sucking on Zoe’s head a couple of times. She might be our Cylon baby, but he’s our zombie baby.

The biggest event in the Beasties’ life during their fourth month was their transition to their own cribs. (See, we’re promoting their independence!) There was really no reason we couldn’t have just started out with two cribs, but we were considering going to a floor bed after a few months so we just bought one crib to get started. That turned out to be a wonderful decision because it was so sweet to have them together in the same bed. But early in December, they got too big to lie them down crosswise, and they were starting to poke each other and scoot around too much. So now we have two cribs in their tiny bedroom. Adam managed to set it up so that they can see each other, we can reach everything we need, and the video monitor can cover them both. It was one of his best packing jobs, ever!

Speaking of cribs, both Leo and Zoe are still sleeping well. Sometimes we have to wake up and feed both of them in the middle of the night, and sometimes it’s just one of them. Once, both of them slept right through. We aren’t pushing them on this issue because they seem to be on board with the project, only having setbacks when they are ill or otherwise discombobulated. They remain on a three hour schedule during the day – Eat, Activity, Sleep, Repeat five times each day. I’ve given up worrying about when they will transition to naps. They seem content this way, and it works for me, too.

Sleeping is their number one job. Eating is number two. They’ve had some issues with eating this month. Both of them are more distractable now. Leo is tuned in to sounds and Zoe is tuned into visuals, but either way, it takes them away from the bottle. Zoe still breastfeeds well and Leo is still lazy, but we’ve kept at it, and I mostly enjoy it. They both went through a brief biting phase but that seems to be over, thank god! The best part is that they are big enough now that I can nurse them lying down. That’s a little bit of heaven, right there.

Their third and final job is play. They’ve been spending the majority of their awake time on their Gymini activity mat.

They lie on their backs and bat at the hanging toys or talk to each other or look in the mirror. But they are getting too big to share the Gymini, and I don’t think it’s worth buying a second one since they’ll be beyond it soon, developmentally. They’ve also been spending time in their bouncy seats (which they hated up until recently), their Bumbos (but only for a minute at a time), and on their tummies in the Boppies. They hate tummy time on the floor, but they seem to like the Boppies, which is nice because they both look especially gorgeous in that position.

I still don’t take them out much. The weather has been mild enough to go for walks, but it’s just too much trouble. But when we do take them out, they’ve been really easy to deal with. When we took the whole family to the mall to see Santa, Adam got his first real taste of what it’s like to be out in public with twins. People want to find out all about them and fuss over them. So far, we both enjoy the experience, but I’m sure it will get old.

Individually, Leo continues to be a bit more advanced than Zoe, but not by much. He is only about a half-pound bigger than she is, and because she’s a girl she is actually in a higher percentile on the growth chart. Leo grasps objects very well now. He can hold a rattle and shake it a little bit before he drops it, but he can’t yet pick something up off the floor. Both Leo and Zoe grab their hanging toys, and of course, try to put them in their mouths. Sometimes they succeed. Leo also is working on holding his own bottle, but that just means that he knocks it out of his mouth – but I swear, he wants to hold that thing. Both of them are putting weight on their feet, which is so cool. Leo is amazingly strong and seems to love standing up. That boy worries me, sometimes. I had a dream that he started walking at four months and he ran into the bathroom and slammed the door and wouldn’t let me in.

For a while, Zoe was the more verbal of the two, but Leo has caught up with her. They both make many consonant-vowel sound combinations like GA, BE, WA, and UNG. And everyone but me thinks that they are both laughing. I call it proto-laughter – a kind of repetitive grunting along with a smile. But they did it for a while and now don’t do it as much. I think real laughter is yet to come. I’ve always been amazed that laughter happens so early in human development. I wish I understood why.

We’ve noticed that Leo gets startled more easily than Zoe. If you come at him too fast or make a sudden noise, his arms and legs stick straight out and his eyes get wide and scared, but it’s never enough to make him cry. Zoe continues to be unflappable. But when something is really wrong, boy oh boy, you’ll know it.

While Leo works on physical skills, Zoe is still busy observing. She studies everything in her visual field with such focus. She likes all computer screens, and a row of brightly colored objects can hold her attention for many minutes. Her favorite thing is a face, so when she meets new people she really looks at them and I think, along with her amazing smile and big, expressive eyes, this instantly wins people over.  I swear, that girl is sweetness, personified. Unfortunately, her fascination with the camera means that I rarely get photos of her smiling and Leo seems like the bubbly one. They are both actually very happy, easy babies. When we come into their visual field, there is a brief delay while they try to figure out who it is, and as soon as they recognize us (Sam, Adam, our babysitter, or me), they break out into huge grins and wiggle around and kick their legs. It doesn’t get any better than that.

Constant change is here to stay…

Leo and Zoe have left infancy behind and are solidly on baby ground. I can’t believe we got through the first three months already! Unfortunately, things aren’t really getting easier at this point. It’s more of a mixed bag. Sure, they are cuter and more interesting now, feedings are shorter and less frequent, nighttime sleep is longer, and they aren’t so delicate, but the rapid rate of change is often leaving me confused. Should I keep them awake more? Is this a growth spurt or what? Can they handle a road trip? And what the heck do I do when there is no “they,” but when one has completely different needs than the other? When things change so quickly, having two babies becomes more than double the work. All the little facts that I need to keep in my head about each baby can be overwhelming.

Still, we love these two little beings. They are each so awesome in their own ways, and they are special as a pair as well. Here are some highlights from the last month.

We finally got Leo’s reflux under control and he is a much happier baby! Now we can see which parts of his personality were due to the pain he was in. He is still very physical, but he is not so squirmy anymore. In fact, Zoe might be the squirmy one at this point. He is also not always the first one to cry. Zoe is still the calmer of the two, but I wouldn’t call Leo a spitfire anymore. What a relief that he isn’t in constant pain! And what a relief that we can put him on his back to sleep again. No more car seat in the crib. That was a huge hassle. Also, how freaking cute is this?

Leo is also a happier guy now that he has found his thumb. I can’t believe how cute I find the thumbsucking. It was especially endearing to watch him struggle to get it. Here’s a video of him working on it right before he mastered the skill. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to keep up with trimming his nails, he seems to cut up his nose and face while sucking his thumb.

Leo rolled over once, from his tummy to his back. Again, it was super-awesome to watch him struggle and succeed. I don’t know if he’ll be doing it regularly, though. He hasn’t been able to repeat it since. I remember Sam did the same thing – rolled over very early but then lost the skill for quite a while.

Zoe, on the other hand, seems almost ready to roll over from her back to her tummy. She likes to sleep on her side, so she can get into that position quite easily, and it’s not too much of a leap for her to keep going. Turning over onto the tummy is a more advanced skill than Leo’s way, but some babies do accomplish it first. It’s all about values!

Zoe’s “toaster head” seems to be diminishing. Her skull and face are a bit rounder instead of rectangular. This makes her a whole lot cuter. And I suppose I’m shallow, but the cuter she gets, the more I love her. Hey, they don’t do all that much yet so how they look is relatively more important than it will be later, right???

Both Zoe and Leo started out with the standard Caucasian baby dark blue eyes. But Leo’s are getting lighter and brighter, and Zoe’s are becoming a murky color which sometimes looks green. I’m sure Leo will end up with blue eyes and Zoe with brown. And their hair color seems to have stuck so far: Leo has a dark blond, and Zoe has a rich brown. Oh, they look nothing alike and I love it that way!

Both Zoe and Leo are working with their hands. Leo is a bit ahead, batting hanging objects around with abandon and occasionally grabbing them. Zoe can’t grab as well, and you can tell she is less interested in working on it. Her interest lies in the mirror. She can look at herself for an hour and be perfectly content, making her sweet cooing noises. She is also more interested than Leo in other people’s faces, and continues to have that searching, questioning gaze that she has had from birth. Only now she’ll punctuate her staring with smiles and coos, especially with Sam. Zoe is seriously in love with her big sister. Leo is working on his vision also, be he tends to like the patterns on his mobile more than faces. What do you know, I even have a photo to show the difference between them:

Maybe the most exciting development is that the twins became aware of each other this month! We can lie them down next to each other and sometimes they’ll look at each other and coo and make faces. Sometimes they try to touch each other. One time, they were lying this way and I gave Zoe a sucker. As she began to suck on it, Leo started making sucking noises, too. I tried to give him his sucker but he didn’t want it. He was just relating to Zoe! That right there makes having twins worth all the extra effort.

Both Leo and Zoe will put a bit of weight on their feet. Leo much more so than Zoe. But they both do it and it’s new to me. I don’t think Sam did this at all until she was about a year old. Maybe we won’t have late-walkers this time around, although I’m not sure that’s such a good thing. Sam’s way was very pleasant. But who knows, maybe Leo and Zoe will actually crawl. (Sam never crawled, but just scooted on her bottom.) I’d love to have crawlers.

Leo has slept through the night twice, and Zoe has done it once. And I’m not talking about the 5-6 hours that Babycenter.com thinks counts as sleeping through the night. Pshaw. My awesome kids have been doing that for weeks. I say it only counts if the adult goes to sleep and wakes up in the morning without having had fed the baby. To my dismay, Adam has reaped the rewards of all three instances – we trade off babies at night and it was his turn each time. I’m sure my time will come.

I continue to call Zoe “Zo-Zo” and it still fits. Adam calls her “ZZ-Top,” or just “Z.” Sammy made up the combined nickname of “ZZ-Top and Leo-Bop,” but otherwise we don’t have any real nicknames for Leo. Sometimes we call him our Lion, but that’s more of a term of endearment. And then there are the accidentals. Adam calls me Sam when he is angry at me (ha!). Sam mixes up Leo and Zoe occasionally. I’ve accidentally called Zoe both “Sammy” and “Chloe” (a friend of Sam’s). And Leo? For some reason, I have more than once accidentally called him “puppy.” It comes out of me just like Zo-Zo does for Zoe. I think I might just go with it, strange as it is.

Here they are, our emergent children:

Wow, the second month went much faster than the first! That whole NICU experience slowed time down to a crawl, but now that we’re settled in, time is flying by. We’ll take the 2-month photos soon so I’ll tide you over with these:

Mostly, life with twins has continued to be good. However, things have gotten more difficult in the past couple of weeks. Leo’s reflux got worse again. We’ve upped his dose of Zantac and we’ll see how it goes. Zoe has started spitting up more, which is not really that big of a deal, but it caused a problem the other night. She had spit up through her nose a couple of times and the milk and mucus got dried up in there and caused her to have trouble breathing. We ended up calling our pediatrician’s nurse line around midnight. (There is nothing more important in choosing a pediatrician than the availability of 24 hour advice and weekend appointments. I don’t care how good the doctor is.) Anyway, we just had to put some saline drops in her nose, but it made for a terrible night. And we’ve been having company and visitors over, which is wonderful, but ends up throwing us off our rhythm and putting me behind on jobs like laundry and paying bills. I think that no matter how boring the baby duties are, I need to limit my outings and visits so that I can maintain that discipline I wrote about earlier. Keeping the routine is the only thing that allows me to sleep, shower, and eat well enough so that I can feel like a human being.

Speaking of outings, I finally got Leo and Zoe out for a walk in the stroller last week. We’ve had fabulous weather lately and I’ve been wanting to take advantage of it, but for a long time I just didn’t feel ready to go through all that hassle. But I finally took the plunge and we all enjoyed the walk. My Baby Jogger stroller was well-worth the money.

On Friday I took Zoe and Leo to the doctor (by myself!) for their 2-month checkup. Zoe is 8 pounds and Leo is 9 pounds 8 ounces. They are on the growth chart now. For weight, Zoe is 2% and Leo is 7%. That sounds terrible, but that is compared to all two-month-olds, including full-term babies. Their adjusted age is just 3 weeks, and they are both around 50th percentile on the adjusted chart. They are growing exactly as they should be. Leo has one health issue besides the reflux which I’ll keep private, but which is not a big deal.  And Zoe has something which will resolve itself but is pretty funny right now. As Adam wrote on Facebook:

Yesterday, Zoe’s pediatrician told us that her narrow, square-shaped head is a preemie condition the doctors and nurses call, “toaster head.” Jeez, just our luck that one of our twins is a cylon!

We finally have the doctor’s permission to let them sleep longer at night. We had been doing it anyway, but now we’ll start to try to actively encourage longer stretches of sleep. Cluster feeding them at night seems to help a lot. They can go about 5 or 6 hours between feedings now, but that doesn’t happen consistently. We’re limited by the lowest common denominator – the baby who gets hungry first sets the schedule. And there’s always someone who is going through a growth spurt or not feeling well or whatever. It really keeps us on our toes.

Leo is just a monster – we can practically see him growing. And he feels so solid. I guess it’s a boy thing, because he feels about twice as heavy as Zoe. She feels delicate and almost hollow compared to him, but she’s really not that much smaller. In fact, in length she’s only half an inch smaller. But everything about her is dainty – her hands, her eyelids, even her tiny little butt. Leo is a football player, a bruiser, a solid mass of muscle, in short: a boy. And his butt is huge! It’s so wonderful to have a boy and girl at the same time; I love seeing the differences between them.

And are they different! They are becoming more and more different as they get older. When they were born, they looked somewhat similar. There is even one photo from the NICU which we can’t identify as of Leo or Zoe. But now it seems like they got exactly the opposite genes from each side. Leo seems to have Adam’s eyes but The Italian’s face shape. Zoe has Adam’s face shape but The Italian’s eyes. Their noses are different, their ears are different, their coloring is different, their body-shapes are different (even given the boy-girl differences), and their personalities are different. Overall, I think Zoe got more from The Italian and Leo got more from Adam. And maybe this is why I had trouble bonding with her early on, more so than because of the breastfeeding. From the start, she’s just been more alien to me. But now, I’m in love with her alien-ness. She is a mystery to me and I can’t wait to find out what she’ll be like when she is older. Of course, Leo is a mystery too, but he is so much more like Sammy that it feels familiar. Then again, he’s a boy, and that makes him exciting and new, too.

I can’t imagine any more perfect set of children than the three that we have. And of course, that is how every parent feels. Because once they arrive, they are yours and they are perfect and you can’t imagine life without them. Not just life without children, but life without your particular children.

Zoe and Leo are one month old! Actually, by the time I publish this, they’ll be well over that age. I don’t think we’re going to be able to keep up with the monthly photos as well as we did with Sam.

I’m actually enjoying my babies and all the things that go along with them. I had set in my mind that the first year would be hell and that it was an investment in the future. I didn’t enjoy Sam’s infancy much at all. It has nothing to do with my feelings for her – I just didn’t like the utter dependence of a baby. And with L&Z I still don’t like it, but I’m more accepting of it. I also know that it will end soon enough. So I’m focusing on the good parts, and I’m finding that there are enough good parts to make the whole baby experience somewhat pleasant.

Of course, we’ve had a lot of help this first month. My parents have been here almost every day, doing a lot of the household chores, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning, etc. My mom has also helped feed and change the babies quite a bit. We also have our “mommy’s helper,” I’ll call her T., who has been coming some afternoons and also helping Sam get to school when Adam teaches. My parents leave in a week, but we’ll still have T. I think I’ll wait until then to say whether this is easier than I had expected.

There’s not too much to report about Leo or Zoe themselves, beyond what I said in my earlier post. Leo continues to grow quickly. He is over seven pounds now. Zoe is still smaller at around six pounds, but she is growing steadily. They still mostly just eat and sleep. Occasionally I’ll give them a bath or put them on a blanket for some tummy time (video!), but most days we change diapers, feed them, and put them right back to bed with no activity at all. They usually pass out in bliss after eating and there’s no waking them.

We have Leo on Zantac now for his reflux, and he sleeps in his car seat in the crib since he simply can’t tolerate being horizontal. We only have the one crib so far, so Zoe is sleeping there next to the car seat. The car seat and the Zantac are helping somewhat, but Leo still cries in discomfort a lot, which is the most difficult thing for me to deal with. We try to comfort him, but there isn’t much we can do, so quite often we just have to listen to him cry. Zoe is still the “easy baby.” The worst thing she does is that she seems to like to poop during a diaper change. I actually find it quite funny. Sam got to see it happen the other day and it was hilarious to see her look of revulsion after all the poopy hell she has put me through over the years. I really should make her the official diaper-changer. Well, maybe not.