My last conference was in 2007 in Telluride.  Sam was 10 months old and we had just begun our nomadic adventures and I was so miserable that I didn’t enjoy the conference much at all.  Prior to that I attended the 1991, 1998, and 1999 conferences.  I enjoyed all of those, but never had anything like the experience I had this year.  This year, I had my own personal goals with which I could integrate what I was learning.  This year, I had friends and acquaintances independent from Adam.  (He knew so many people in ‘98 and ‘99 and it was hard for me to remember everyone I was introduced to–it was a bit overwhelming.)  On top of that, I got to meet new friends whom I had only known electronically.  The cool part was that I recognized them from their Facebook profile pictures so there was much less social anxiety of thinking, “I know this person but forgot his name,” or “I want to catch up with so-and-so but I don’t think I’d recognize her.”  No, this time, I knew who I knew and I met just enough new people so that I could keep them all straight.  There are at least five people I can think of that I’m sure I will become closer to after spending time at the conference together.  And for all of my other friends who were here, I was able to spend quite a bit of time with them, cementing our relationships even more.

Objectivists are an amazing group.  Most are warm and friendly, successful, lively, intelligent, interesting, and, yes, HAPPY!  Tonight I watched Dr. Ellen Kenner, who must be in her mid fifties, dancing joyfully with her husband and others, wearing a sexy, sparkly, backless top – the kind designed for college kids.  She looked great and I noted that it takes a real benevolent sense of life to dress like that.  She is young at heart and bursting with joy.  Watching her captured the essence of what I feel about the people at this conference.  People talked passionately late into the night, not about abstract ideas (although that did occur too) but about their careers, or their kids, home improvement projects, their pets, their local Objectivist clubs, the activism work they do, etc. etc. etc.  These people are passionate valuers who use Objectivism as a tool to enhance their lives.  It’s not just some academic game.  There is a really great culture growing in Objectivism now, and I am honored to be a part of it.  I’m getting a little teary just thinking about all of the incredible people I spent time with this week.

But now, the time has come.  We leave for Florida tomorrow.  I can feel no sadness in leaving, even this most wonderful event, because tomorrow I see my daughter for the first time in nine days.  She seems to have handled the separation well, and Adam and I were doing fine – until yesterday.  I started really missing her and just wanted the conference to be over.  We stayed out very late last night and had a few drinks and when we woke up, we decided to bail on the classes and spend the whole day in our hotel room.  I’m sorry I missed the last two lectures, but I was just done.  Stick a fork in me, I’m done.  I managed to get dressed up and attend the closing banquet, and I even enjoyed it a little bit, but those big events are not really my cup of tea.  So here I am, back in the hotel room, ready to curl up with an Agatha Christie book and count the hours until I can put my arms around my little girl.  We’re coming home tomorrow, Sam!  We miss you!  We love you!

“I think I’ll skip showering today.” / “I get to shower every single day.”

“I’ve had enough of office buildings – I want to spend time outdoors.” / “I’ve had enough of playgrounds – I want to spend time indoors.”

“I don’t need to brush my teeth this morning.” / “I brushed my teeth TWICE today!”

“I’m going to stay up late and party!” / ”I don’t have a pile-up of work to do after the kids go to bed so I can go to bed early!” 

“I get to sleep in.” / “I intended to sleep in but I went to bed so early and slept so well that I woke up early.”

“I’m going to see a sporting event.” / “I don’t have to watch a single soccer game the whole trip!”

“I’m going to rest my mind and just lie on the beach.” / “I have the ability to focus on one thing at a time so I’m going to think deeply about the things most important to me.”

“I’m going to let my hair down.” / “I’m going to put my hair up.”

“I want to spend time with my friends.” / “I want to spend time alone.”

“I’m getting homesick.” / “I’m getting homesick.”

Sam is doing fine with her grandparents in Florida.  We talk to her once or twice a day and she sounds so sad, but reports from grandma indicate that she is having a great time.  Still, it breaks my heart when I hear her say, MOMMY?  I REALLY, REALLY WANT YOU TO COME HOME.

On the other hand, I’m doing just fine without her.  I miss her, but I’m not having panic attacks suddenly wondering where she is, and I don’t feel like I forgot my purse or something.  Actually, I must be pretty relaxed because I did leave my notebook at Starbucks this morning.

Adam was so sweet and brought along a framed picture of Sam for my nightstand.

I hope to have more time to write about the content of the lectures but right now we’re off to the pool.  First time we’re actually venturing out of the hotel!

It’s going to be a long trip – two full weeks if you include travel days.  I’ll be dependent on Adam’s laptop for blogging so it might be light for a couple of weeks, but who knows – maybe I’ll write every night about all the exciting things that I learned and experienced.  Probably not.

A few random notes:

• I forgot to upload Adam’s photos of our Farm Vacation so I’ll be adding those at some point.  (I guess that’s mostly of interest to family.)
• My fertility tests all came back normal, so we’re back to square one, in a sense.  It’s good to know that there is nothing detectably wrong with me or us, but in a way it’s the worst thing because it means we have no control over the situation and we’re left with the same uncertainty as always.
• I’ll be starting our summer school as soon as we return from vacation, so I’ll be writing about that quite a bit, hopefully.  I started setting up the Montessori-like environment two days ago.  I had no choice but to do it when Sam was around, so it’s been very difficult to keep her from going wild with the materials.  I’m going to have to spend some time at the conference teaching myself how to demonstrate how to use them and finalizing my plans.
• Adam posted this hilarious status update on Facebook regarding our travel preparations:  “Adam Mossoff is going on a lengthy trip and thus the dog and cat will be enjoying an extended stay at the local kennel, or, given their vastly differing attitudes about the kennel, I refer to it as ‘doggy summer camp’ for Toby and ‘kitty concentration camp’ for Jinx.”

It started out with the drive.  We brought our dog, Toby, along with us, figuring that we’d take him on hikes on the farm.  So the car ride was a preview of what it’s like to have two kids in the car.  There were horrifying screams followed by things like: MOMMY, TOBY ATE MY GRANOLA BAR! and HE’S LICKING MY HAND!  MAKE HIM STOP! 

In the end, we enjoyed having Toby with us, but the poor guy didn’t get to do much because it was incredibly hot – too hot to just go for long walks – and also because we needed to keep him away from the working dogs on the farm.  Ward and Barb have four or five working dogs that they keep solely to protect the livestock.  We were encouraged not to interact with them, and we were warned that under no circumstances should we allow Toby to play with them or even approach them at the fences.  These Akbash dogs were really beautiful.  They barked every time we approached the fences, but they were not aggressive.  I don’t know what they would have done if we had tried to hurt an animal, but I wouldn’t want to find out. 

More stuff we saw/did/experienced:

• We got ticks (Sam called them tic-tacs).  They don’t have lime disease, so they were pretty harmless, but really gross.  Adam won the contest of who would get the most ticks over the whole weekend.
• We milked the goats.  This was Barb’s domain and she obviously loves those animals.  They all have names, and she knows all of their personalities.  Sam squeezed a bit of milk out but didn’t have that much interest.  I did it twice.  Barb does it twice a day, every day.  It’s a lot of work and they can’t sell the milk, so they throw out whatever they don’t use.
• We learned that male goats are really stinky, so if you want good tasting goat milk, you need to keep the genders separated.
• We drank fresh, raw goat milk.  Soooooo good!  We also had goat cheese, which the others liked but I found bland.
• We enjoyed watching the cows and horses roam in their pastures.  We petted the horses, but the bulls were off limits!
• We learned that sheep say bah, goats say mah.  It’s hard to tell them apart, though.  Goats have shorter tails that point up, while sheep have longer tails that hang down.  The goats on this farm were Nigerian dwarf goats and were pretty cute, as goats go.  There were many “kids.”  We were able to go in the pasture with them as much as we liked and we spent a lot of time there because Sammy loved the goats.  They would stand up on their hind legs and put their front hooves on her and sometimes even knock her down.  They would surround her and nibble on her clothes and hair.  (Now Sam nibbles on our clothing and we call her “goat girl.”)  But she loved them.  She was fearless, and this was one of the best things about the trip – Sam was so excited that she forgot to be cautious.
• We saw and petted the alpacas.  A baby had been born just a few days before we arrived, and there was another that was just a few weeks old, so the two mommies were quite protective.  We were warned one of the alpacas might spit, and we hurried away once when we saw the mommy pull her ears back and open her mouth just enough to show us some green, regurgitated stuff.  Yuk!
• We petted some miniature donkeys.  I didn’t like the braying sound they made – this was probably the animal that I liked the least.
• Went horseback riding.  This was the highlight of the trip.  Ward taught us how to really handle the horses and we got to ride on a hilly trail and gallop quite a bit.  We also had some freedom in a clearing where we were able to experiment with directing our horses instead of just following the leader on the trail.  Ward claims that horses are smarter than dogs.  I’m still not so sure about that, but riding a horse gave me much the same joy as I get from walking Toby.  When the animal obeys you and you get in a rhythm, it’s really a unique bonding experience.  I saw a snake (which I later found out was a black rat snake) on the path, which I found incredibly cool.
• Sam got a pony ride – well, it was a miniature horse named Dusty and he was really cute.  She got the same special kind of ride that we did.  She got to sit in a saddle with stirrups and Ward led the horse along a path around the pond.  Sam only had one moment of reservation while getting on the horse, but very quickly she became obviously thrilled.  She has been on a horse before (sitting with her dad on a real horse) and she rode an elephant with us once, but this was a much more independent experience for her.  God, watching your kid grow up is the best thing in the world.
• Ward showed us his poultry yard.  This is the thing that he loves, like Barb loves her goats.  He had all kinds of chickens, turkeys, ducks and geese.  It was stinky and noisy!  Adam and I saw this one rooster and we both immediately thought: “That’s Chantecler!”  If you’ve read the play, you’ll know this means that he was strutting about and obviously was one proud bird.  Adam got a video of this “buff orpington” macho bird crowing,
• We held some baby ducks that were about 2-3 weeks old.  One pooped on me and I just kept holding it.  Fear of poop: conquered!
• We saw a baby duck hatching!  Adam got it on video.  The duck had started opening the egg, but Ward just helped finish it up so we could see it come out.  Awesome!
• Ward has set up a kind of miniature natural history museum of Virginia wildlife in a separate building on the farm.  He has dozens of insects mounted neatly with pins, some animal skulls, and some live reptiles like snakes and turtles.  Sam loves turtles, so this was a highlight for her.  We all admired Ward’s ambition regarding the project, and his obvious love for nature. 
• We had a bonfire and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows.
• We learned why horses are so cheap right now.  All the slaughterhouses in the U.S. that were used to make glue or dog food from the older horses have been shut down, so there is no market for those old horses as there used to be (unless you ship them to Canada or Mexico, and it looks like Canada is going to shut down their slaughterhouses soon, too).  So people are forced to keep and maintain their older horses, shrinking the market for new, young horses.  On top of the rights violations and harm to humans involved, thanks to the animal rights folks, old horses are now being abandoned and left to starve to death. 
• After the other couples left, Adam, Sam and I stayed another day.  It was still too hot to do much but we swam in the little plastic pool and drank well water from the hose and just relaxed.  It was really nice.
• As always, at a B&B you spend quite a bit of time with your hosts, and we had some nice conversations with Barb and Ward about all of the improvements they are planning for the farm and other subjects.  Overall, I enjoyed their company and it was actually a bit hard to say goodbye.

We are planning to go back to Cornerstone Farm again, hopefully when the weather is not so hot.  We’d like to go fishing and goat packing (the goat carries your picnic lunch on a hike), and do some stargazing.  Adam and I plan to look into horseback riding locally.  I’m not sure if there is anything like what we did at the farm, though.  So we might have to go back just for that.  Click here for more photos.