Samantha read her first word today. She sounded out, “rat.” Actually, I’m not sure she could reproduce it. It might have been a bit of luck, but I’m going to count it anyway. That way, I can say that our daughter could read before she was potty trained.
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We’re still working on this getting pregnant thing. I hate the uncertainty. I suppose it’s good practice for me – to have to continue living and enjoying life while this weight is on me. It’s ridiculous, really, to be so stressed about it. But apparently, I am.
This time around, during the 2 weeks when you’re just waiting to find out if you succeeded or not, I developed a terrible pain in my back. It felt like I imagine a pinched nerve would feel. It was so painful that I could barely sleep, or even sit comfortably in a chair. I couldn’t take Ibuprofen since you’re not supposed to do that during pregnancy, so I was constantly on acetaminophen. I couldn’t go to the doctor for an x-ray, of course, but it was bad enough that I still considered it. I had 2 massages, which helped for about a day before the pain came back. Then, the moment I knew I was not pregnant, the pain went away – not completely, but significantly and immediately. It’s been getting better ever since.
This is not the first time I’ve had stress-related pain. I’ve had almost continuous problems since 2001. October 2001, that is. Can you think of anything directly prior to that time that might have caused stress? Ever since then, I’ve had back and neck pain, along with the constant need to crack my neck. The only relief I’ve had from this problem was when I was pregnant. I had pregnancy aches and other problems, but the old back and neck problem was non-existent.
About 13 months after Samantha was born, however, I developed a new problem: a pain in my right knee. We had just moved from Michigan to San Diego – a 6 week journey that was the most stressful time of my life. The combination of living out of our 2 cars with a dog and a cat and a baby, for 6 weeks straight, along with postpartum hormones, was unbearable. Over the next year, the pain spread to my right elbow, my right shoulder, then the whole length of both my right arm and leg, and then to both hands and feet. I couldn’t open jars or walk down a flight of stairs (I went down backwards or on my bottom). I was scared. I was sure I’d be in a hospital within a year.
I had x-rays, an MRI, nerve-conduction tests, and blood tests for arthritis, lupus, Lyme disease, and all kinds of other problems, but I never got a diagnosis. I tried yoga, painkillers, antidepressants (they’re supposed to help with pain for some people), physical therapy, and a combination of fish-oil and probiotics. I’m sure there is more that I’ve forgotten. I was on my way to chiropractic and maybe even acupuncture, but ended up finding relief with something called platelet-rich plasma therapy, or PRP. It’s a cool technique: the doctor takes your blood, separates the red blood cells from the platelets using a centrifuge, and then injects the platelets, which I guess are the part of the blood involved in healing, back into the affected area. In my case, the doctor injected my right knee and elbow, where the pain seemed to have started. I was sore for about 2 weeks, but then I started getting better. I’m not cured; I always have a little bit of pain somewhere. These days it’s usually in my feet. But I’m functional and I don’t take painkillers on a regular basis. Most of the time I don’t even notice the pain. I’ve been feeling better for about 9 months now.
I know this problem with my back is related to all the rest of it, so I’m really hoping that it doesn’t kick off the chain reaction again. Luckily, after all I went through, I’m pretty sure that PRP would help again if I needed it. In fact, I would have done another round of PRP a long time ago to see if I could totally knock out the pain, but there was one problem. Getting blood out of me is almost impossible. When the phlebotomist drew my blood for the procedure, she spent over a half hour and was getting nothing. My veins just move around or close up when the needle touches them. Finally, my doctor had to come in and take over. He needed to get a pint of blood – about the same amount that you give when you donate blood. (Needless to say, I’ve never donated blood.) By the time he got it, I was weeping with pain. Remember, I’m the one who gave birth with no drugs and said that it wasn’t even real pain, but just pain like when you work out your muscles. I can take pain. This was torture. I’ll do it again, but only if the other pain starts to interfere in my life again.
So I guess the moral of the story is: I need to take a chill pill. If only there was such a thing that was safe to use when potentially pregnant.
Samantha learned to point and click today.
If you haven’t been listening to Dr. Leonard Peikoff’s podcasts, you might want to at least check out his broadcast of June 30, podcast #68. The first half of the podcast is all about children and marriage. Here are the questions he answers:
- How do you explain the concept of religion and god to preschool age children?
- People are highly uncomfortable with the idea of their teenage kids having sex. Is this irrational?
- What is your opinion of sex education in general, and of abstinence education in particular?
- Am I behaving rationally by remaining married to a woman that I no longer love, in order to keep my physical home? [Here, Dr. Peikoff touches on the issue of divorce when children are involved.]
I’ve finally caught up with all the podcasts. Samantha now recognizes Dr. Peikoff’s voice, and sometimes, when we get in the car she says, MOMMY? LISTEN TO PEIKOFF TODAY PLEASE?
Samantha peed on the potty for the first time today!
Thanks to Rational Jenn, we’ve instituted a new daily ritual in our house. Every day, Samantha and I talk about what our work will be for the day. We talk about all the things we plan to do – things like going to the playground, doing laundry, coloring, making dinner, or working on letter sounds.
This serves at least 3 purposes. First, it get us focused on what goals we have for the day. This is as important for me as it is for Sam. I’m a slave to my to-do list and it works for me, but verbalizing the few, most important tasks for the day further refines my goals, especially since there are always too many things on my list for me to possibly get done. I also always include one important job: I tell Sam that my work for the day includes helping her to learn to do things by herself. It’s not a very concrete goal, but it’s a good reminder for me.
Second, it can be used as a reminder later in the day: “Remember that I told you that my work today would include writing on my computer? I need to do that now.” Along with the Daily Schedule, I’ve found that this works wonders when seeking cooperation.
Finally, this is the best way I’ve found to build for Sam a positive association with the word “work.” For a while there, Sam thought “work” meant “daddy goes away” and it was a sad thing. We’ve taken Sam to Adam’s office and he has explained to her as best he can what he does at work, but “reading, writing, and teaching” are things he does at home too, so why does he need to go away? Work still meant something bad. To help with this, I started consciously using the word more often for tasks like cooking, doing a puzzle, and writing on my blog. This was helpful, but nothing has transformed Sam’s understanding of the word better than using it in the same way every morning. “What is your work going to be for the day?”
Up until now, Sam’s response to the question usually consisted of a blank stare, or maybe something along the lines of, PLAYGWOUND. Then we took a two week break from the morning ritual while we were on vacation and then getting back into the normal routine. Finally, the other morning, I asked her the question again. “Sam, what is your work going to be today?” She answered: GO TO SCHOOL. PLAY. WEAR UNDERWEAR. GO ON POTTY.
She gets it!
Yesterday, Samantha spelled the words “Sam,” “cat,” “Adam” and “Jinx.” Adam wrote them on the ground with sidewalk chalk as they sounded them out together. She needed help isolating the sounds, but as soon as she heard the sound, she knew what letter it was. The only one she didn’t get was the “i” in Jinx because she’s only learned the short “i” sound so far.
We’ve continued to use Starfall and we also practice while driving around town or at meals. Sam knows all the standard letter sounds now, although she’ll still forget “l” and “r” sometimes, mostly because she has a hard time pronouncing them. I do think that this work of isolating sounds is going to help her pronunciation, and even her vocabulary because she’ll be able to distinguish words more clearly now. I didn’t think she’d be able to reverse the process and name the letters based on the sound – we’ve never worked on that directly - but she did it with ease. She is also “reading” everything she sees – food packaging, signs on the road, stuff that comes in the mail. Usually “reading” means that she’ll name some of the letters and maybe make their sounds. Sometimes it means opening a book she knows well and telling the story from memory as she turns the pages. I thought it was cute when Sam insisted that there was an “x” on my computer screen and it took me a while to figure out she meant the red “x” icon to close the window.
Next, I’m going to try reading Montessori Read and Write, by Lynn Lawrence, and next month I’ll talk to Sam’s Montessori teacher about where to go from here. It’s amazing to see Sam learning so much so quickly, and taking such obvious pleasure in the process.
After Samantha cut her head so badly last week, I wanted to make her feel better about the “boo-boo,” and thought of Harry Potter. I picked one of the books off the shelf and showed her the cover, pointing out the scar on his forehead.
The next day, I was working at my computer when Sam brought over one of the Harry Potter books. HERE HARRY POTTER, MOMMY. I set it on my desk and said, “Yes, there is Harry Potter.” Then she brought another one and put it on top of the first. HERE ‘NOTHER HARRY POTTER, MOMMY. “Oh, now we have two. Can you bring me another?” HERE YOU GO, MOMMY. ‘NOTHER HARRY POTTER. “How many do we have now? One, two three. There are seven in all, can you bring them all here and stack them up?” And she did:
This is particularly impressive given the haystack within which she found those seven needles:
Here it is, your weekly dose of rational writings, brought to you by Erosophia. I particularly liked Mariposario’s post on What you get if you ask. This is a principle that my husband taught me early in our relationship, but I call it “Put yourself out there.” I like the way Deb integrates the idea with the trader principle. I’ve also been meaning to read this post for a while now, so excuse me while I go check that off my to do list.
Does your state require that students entering public school have a comprehensive medical exam within one year before starting school? Mine does (Virginia). I’d never heard of such a thing. It doesn’t apply to Samantha, but I saw it on the standard immunization forms her Montessori school gives out prior to the school year, so I looked it up. This is above and beyond immunization requirements. Before entering kindergarten or elementary school (public only, as far as I can tell), kids must have a comprehensive exam that screens for problems with:
- HEENT (head, eyes, ears, nose, throat)
- Lungs
- Heart
- Neurological
- Abdomen
- Extremities
- Skin
- Genital
- Urinary
There are also hearing, vision, and dental screens required, and the child’s BMI and TB risk assessment must be recorded.
Worst of all, there is a developmental screen where the child is assessed for:
- Emotional/social
- Problem solving
- Language/Communication
- Fine motor skills
- Gross motor skills
All of the results must be recorded by the physician on a form and given to the school. In other words, to the government. I was shocked! Do you think that access to those records is kept strictly limited? Check out paragraph C:
C. Such physical examination report shall be placed in the child’s health record at the school and shall be made available for review by any employee or official of the State Department of Health or any local health department at the request of such employee or official.
I’m not even sure what a “local health department” is. Who are all these people who would have access to my daughter’s personal information? How could I possibly hold them accountable? The records might as well be kept in Wikipedia.
A quick Google search tells me that this is not uncommon. It looks like at least Nebraska, Kentucky, Connecticut, Florida, and maybe many other states have similar laws. What I can’t tell with the quick search is whether they require that the results be reported to the school, or if one just needs to submit proof that the child has had a medical exam. Either way, the laws are another example of the nanny-state gone mad. But the idea that, in Virginia at least, the government has this type of sensitive data for every person attending public school and that I’ve never heard a soul complain about it is mind-blowing.
Another good reason to homeschool.
Samantha always naps. She used to cry herself to sleep every time, but she has never resisted going up to her room for a nap or for bedtime.
I figured we might have a problem soon, though, because of that Teach Me Time Clock we got for her recently. The clock is great; it turns green at 7:30am and she knows she can come out of her room. The only problem is, we can’t set the color alarm for both overnight sleep and nap, so the clock has to be either green or not-green during her naps. At first we left it not-green, but she seemed confused. So we changed it so that it stays green most of the day and turns off only around 6pm, when she is sure to have finished any napping, but before she could possibly go to sleep for the night. This means that she goes down for nap with a green clock, but it seemed to make more sense to her that way. Still, I knew that at some point, even though I explained it to her, she’d just figure she could skip her nap.
Finally, on Saturday (this was right before her bloody injury) she was so excited about the party that afternoon, which she knew would happen “after nap,” that she decided she would not nap. I put her down as usual and then hopped in the shower. She showed up a minute later saying, DONE WITH NAP. I knew that she expected to leave for the party as soon as she said it. I might have let the nap go that day, but she was overtired to begin with, so I was concerned that she would be cranky if she didn’t nap, and that we might even miss the party.
“I don’t think we’ll be able to go to the party if you don’t take a nap,” I said. She gave me some angry response and ran back to her room, slamming the door. But a minute later, she was back. ALL DONE WITH NAP. “If you don’t take a nap, I’m afraid we won’t be able to go to the party.” NO! GO TO PARTY. READY TO GO NOW. NO NAP!
I was still in the shower, so I tried, “If you don’t nap now, you’ll have to nap in the car on the way to the party, and then we’ll be really late.” But what I got in response was, YES, MOMMY. BE LATE TO PARTY. BE LATE. YES. “But if we do that you’ll have less time to play with Baby N.” YES, BE LATE. BE LATE MOMMY. “But if we do that we’ll have to drive around for an hour while you nap and it will waste a whole hour for your daddy and me, and we don’t like that.” YES, BE LATE MOMMY. BE LATE TO PARTY. She meant it, and I was prepared to do just that, but I still wanted to try to get her to nap at home. I told her that I didn’t like that idea and that I really wanted her to nap at home.
So when I got out of the shower I took her back to her room and sat in the chair and said that I’d stay until she fell asleep. (I never do this!) She would close her eyes if I told her to, but she talked to herself and always ended up looking back at me, grinning. One time I waited through 5 minutes of silence and thought she was out but the moment she heard me move in the chair to get up, she turned around.
I told her that I was going to dry my hair, get dressed, and get my book and that she should stay in her room until I got back. She did, but she was still awake when I returned. I told her that I’d stay and read my book while she fell asleep. Still nothing. It was edging up on an hour of working on this now and if she didn’t get to sleep soon, we really would not make it to the party. I finally told her to look at me and I said firmly, “Sam, I’ve made up my mind. If you don’t take a nap, we are NOT going to the party. Period.” And I meant it. I knew the party would be a disaster otherwise. She turned over and went to sleep immediately. I stayed a few minutes, but she was really out this time. And she had a nice, long nap.
That teaches me to be wishy-washy. Of course, I already knew that maybes and hemming and hawing don’t work, but, hey, everyone screws up sometimes. Another thing this taught me, though, is that when I do tell Samantha something in a clear way, she knows I will follow through. Good for me!
- Decided on the spur of the moment to go to the local water park with Sam
- While waiting for it to open, went to the park where we observed a traditional water balloon toss
- Swam for 2 hours
- Ate lunch on the grass
- Fed the Canadian Geese
- Went on the carousel, twice
- Took a little ride in a boat on the lake
- Swam for another hour
- Cooked and ate a delicious dinner
- Watched So You Think You Can Dance finale
- About to go read the latest Lee Child thriller
All Little Things, but they add up to one heck of a great day.
It’s been another month of booming independence for Samantha!
Does the recorder sound different when you blow it into a jar?
Sam is going through another growth/development spurt right now. She is constantly hungry, she is sleeping a lot, she is bursting with energy, and she is doing new things every day. Just in the past few days I noticed that her communication skills shot through the roof. For example, yesterday when Adam got home, she asked him plainly, HOW WAS WORK, DADDY? and she expected an answer. She is also saying things like ONE BLANKET FOR EACH BABY instead of BOTH BABY HAVE BLANKETS. There are other things that have struck me, but they happen so fast and furious that I never seem to get them down on paper.
Her imagination is booming too. She seems to have a good grasp of pretend versus real, at least for her age. She tells me when things are pretend now, like when we play monsters or ghost. Sometimes I’ll say, “Oh, are you putting your doll to sleep?” and she’ll respond, NO, JUST PRETENDING. She has interesting thoughts like, when I noted that the dog was sniffing the air, she said, MAYBE TOBY GOING HUNTING FOR FOOD. Where does she come up with this stuff?
Pretending to be angry
After months of counting ONE FOUR SIX TEN FIVE THREE EIGHT! Sam is finally starting to count to ten properly. As a matter of fact, she can count to twenty, as long as you go along with her conviction that fifteen is The Number Which Must Not Be Named.
As I’ve already written, Samantha got through her first weekend without mommy and daddy this month. This is a bigger milestone for us than it is for her, but I’m proud to report that she handled it very well.
Somehow, Sam decided that she didn’t need bibs anymore this month. She used to demand a bib – it was just part of eating – but overnight, it seems, she dropped it and we let it go. And you know what? She doesn’t spill as much as she used to. I wonder which was the cause and which the effect there?
Lasagna
I’m not sure if she’s grown any taller, but Sam’s feet grew almost 2 sizes in the past few months. I had to buy a second set of summer shoes for her, and that is a first. Shoes (and clothes) had always lasted at least a season, and as a matter of fact, she is still wearing a lot of her clothes from last summer. I sometimes worry about how small she is, but hey, somebody has to be in the 10th percentile. At least her small stature is not interfering with her independence as much as it used to. She can now reach most sinks with a stool, she can use the short drinking fountain at day care, and she can reach doorknobs. I know she’ll still have challenges growing up small, but both Adam and I have experience in that area so hopefully we can help her through it.
We’re working on the potty training in earnest now. As of now, all it means is that she wears underwear for a few hours each morning and she sits on the potty sometimes. It seems like she now knows how to hold her urine as I haven’t seen a puddle in a few days, but she still hasn’t peed on the potty. I might just break down after all and buy a book to tell me what to do. Maybe. If I’m really desperate.
In retrospect, I know that we did indeed experience the terrible twos. The reason I’m only sure of this now is that Sam is going through another willful phase, complete with all the usual tantrums, but now with the added bonus of whining mixed in. Once she started on this spree, I realized that the past several months had been very peaceful, and I saw the contrast with January and February, when things were tough. I know that this won’t last forever but it’s sure not fun. I’m back to having a wet right shoulder most of the time from all the crying that goes on there.
A fun development is that Sam now likes to shower with us. It’s not always convenient in our tiny tub/shower combo (I’ll shave my legs again someday, I suppose) but it’s great to see her wanting to get clean just like mommy and daddy. Today, I finished my shower and Sam wanted to stay in for a while so I got dressed and puttered around the bathroom for at least 10 minutes while she showered all by herself. Really, the only help she needs is a hand to step in and out of the tub and someone to turn the water on and off. She soaps and rinses pretty well all on her own. She even dries herself with a hand towel all by herself, propping her feet up on the toilet to dry her legs, just like I do on the vanity. The first time I saw her do that I just about wept with the realization of how much of the things Adam and I do will become a part of her forever.
Swimming
I’m excited to report that Rational Jenn and Diana Hsiehhave teamed up to create a new Objectivist mailing list: OGrownups. Here is a description of the group, taken from Jenn’s announcement:
OGrownups is an informal mailing list for Objectivists interested in raising and educating children well. Its basic purpose is to facilitate discussion amongst Objectivists about child development, discipline techniques, education methods, parenting resources, and more.
Any Objectivist interested in polite and practical discussion about raising and educating children rationally may join OGrownups — parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, caregivers, and friends. Anyone considering parenthood is also welcome.
The group is inclusive in regard to parenting – even if you are just interested in the subject, you are welcome to join. But it is exclusive in regard to Objectivism. Please read the criteria for membership carefully before joining.
I’ve already joined and I’m looking forward to seeing how the group develops. Both Diana and Jenn have already done much to help build the Objectivist intellectual network, and if you read my blog, you already know that I’m a big fan of Jenn’s writing on parenting. This should be good!
OBloggers Most Recent
- 2-4-12 Hodgepodge Gus Van Horn
- Grays And Torreys 2006 mtnrunner2
- The State of the Reich noreply@blogger.com (Edward Cline)
- Nature Journal: Squawking Birds Kelly Elmore
- Research in universities - the good and bad John Drake