This week, Titanic Deck Chairs hosts the 123rd edition of the Objectivist Round Up.
And this is my 666th blog post.
And Rational Jenn has a milestone of her own to report, which she does in her usual, hilarious fashion.
You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November 2009.
There are things that surprise you when you become a parent. Ok, let’s face it: almost everything surprises you, but some things more than others. One thing that I never expected was how much I would love the physical closeness I have with my daughter.
I didn’t grow up in a touchy-feely family. We didn’t hug much, and we didn’t even express our feelings with words all that much. Don’t get me wrong – we loved each other – we just didn’t express it in those ways. I never thought much about hugging and cuddling and kissing my daughter before she was born. I thought much more about all the things I wanted to teach her and how much I would enjoy watching her develop into a rational being with her own, unique personality. Those things are still the biggest values for me, but what an unexpected bonus it is to have this other, more sensual aspect to our relationship.
Sammy wasn’t a cuddly baby, so I didn’t discover this until she was around 18 months old. Once she could get around on her own a bit, she seemed to want to come back to home-base a little more often. It was as if she needed a bit more of that mommy-security once she gained the physical independence of separation. This was also about the time she stopped nursing, so that might have been a factor. When she was an infant, she wasn’t easily soothed by being held and cuddled, but at some point, she started to actually enjoy being snuggled before bed. She still sleeps best when she is in her own bed in her own room, but now I sometimes get the sweet pleasure of her falling asleep on my chest. We spend a lot of time just hugging and tickling and sitting close together while reading a book. I love it.
When we are close like this, all is right with the world. Touching her hair or her arm or kissing her cheek gives me butterflies. It’s very hard to describe because it is an integration of emotion and sensation. She is my daughter and she is of me and when I touch her I know it in my bones.
I’m sure this must be a universal feeling amongst parents, but to me it is a delightful surprise. People always talk about how much they love to hold their babies or snuggle with them, but I had no idea they meant this.
Three Good Things for the day:
- We had a roofer come to investigate a small leak, and as he was looking around in our attic, Sammy and I watched from below. Her excited monologue lasted several minutes and went something like this: ATTIC! ATTIC! YEA, ATTIC! IT’S DARK UP THERE. ME GO UP THERE? TOO DARK FOR ME. HE CLIMBED LADDER, MOMMY? I CLIMB LADDER, MOMMY? I MIGHT FALL AND BONK MY HEAD AND CRY–BOO HOO HOO. WHAT HE DOING UP THERE, MOMMY? WHAT DOES ATTIC MEAN, MOMMY? HE TURN ON LIGHT, MOMMY? MONSTERS UP THERE. YES, MONSTERS UP THERE. IT’S DARK. WHAT’S HIS NAME? HI! HI! WHAT YOU DOING UP THERE? YOU ROOFER. YOU COMING DOWN? YOU CLIMB DOWN? NO CLIMB ON BOTTOM, CLIMB WITH FEET. CAREFUL. CAREFUL.
- We got really good financial news today.
- I got a lot of Little Things done today, which makes time for work on bigger things.
I stole that title from a book. I bought the book because its subtitle, “Tales from Parenthood, Lessons for Managers,” was so intriguing. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the book when I finally read it.
But Jason Crawford’s recent post on a management principle he calls “Query for Judgment” reminded me of those fascinating parallels between parenting and management. His rule is, “by default, always ask your reports for their judgment before giving your own.” The reasons he gives for his policy line up nicely with Faber and Mazlish’s ideas of giving children respect, allowing them to own their emotions, and giving choices. Sometimes I wonder why businesses don’t see the value of hiring former full-time parents. Those few years of “time off” from the workforce are really like management boot camp.
I’ve added Jason’s blog about his adventures starting up his own company in San Francisco to my blogroll. Check it out!
Three Good Things for the day:
- My daughter thinks the “th” sound is hilarious.
- I used my new Droid phone to record thoughts as I walked the dog.
- Those were some damn good thoughts.
I spent about an hour in Sammy’s Montessori classroom this morning. It was great to see her in action in her new environment, but it was hard to tell if she was acting differently because I was there. I was hoping that she would go off on her own and do some work without me, but she wanted to show me everything. She showed me how to do the brown stairs (teaches height and width), the red rods (teaches length), and the moveable alphabet (pre-reading). We also had a snack together, which was prepared by Sammy and an older classmate.
As always happens when visiting a Montessori classroom, I was struck most by the way the children interacted with each other. The atmosphere in that classroom was one of benevolence and cooperation, which is exactly the opposite of what we are all taught to expect from children. Children are supposed to be little “selfish” heathens who need to be tamed. They are expected to treat others badly until we pound it into them that they must share and be polite. The children in Sammy’s class were not perfect. There were times when others encroached on Sammy’s work, or something was grabbed at, but these were the exceptions. The teacher had to step in once that I noticed, to remind the children not to touch another’s work. (“Work” is what the Montessori materials are called.)
I also noticed that most of the children were smiling and friendly to each other, and to me. One boy asked if I remembered his name, since we had met before. He beamed when I did, indeed. (The children addressed each other by name quite often.) Other children told me how Sammy needed help carrying the biggest blocks, or how they liked to have a snack with her. Since I did not know how to help Sammy do her work in the proper way, I was instructed by the children not to sit on the rug, but next to it, and that the rods needed to be aligned vertically on the rug, not horizontally. These instructions were not the bossy behavior you sometimes see with children (including my own) but sincere help and assistance. I love the Montessori combination of great freedom for the children, but with instruction and expectations for the proper way to use things. It is not the freedom of subjectivism, but the freedom of trust and respect.
Sammy and I arrived early so I saw how the children filtered in. The teachers greeted the newcomers, but there was no need for them to get up to tell the children what to do. The kids just hung up their coats and went right to work. Some worked independently; others worked in groups. The teachers gave lessons or read books to small groups that formed organically. I didn’t stay for “circle time” which is when the whole class does some kind of activity together. I might want to go again in the later part of the morning to observe that.
One final thing I noted was how big and clumsy I felt in that classroom, with all of its child-sized things. It made me realize concretely how uncomfortable and frustrated children must feel with all of the adult-sized things that surround them. I don’t believe in turning one’s home into a full Montessori environment, but it must be such a wonderful relief for the kids to enter that world designed for them each day.
I’m going to have to dig deep for Three Good Things today:
- It was warm and sunny again today.
- I got some time to myself tonight, which I always desperately need after a weekend of visitors.
- My cat is sitting next to me on my desk, purring. It’s one of my favorite sounds.
They’re always there, those Three Good Things, if you look for them.
Another reason to homeschool is revealed in this conversation between mother and daughter:
“How many movies do you watch a week?”
She thought a bit, counting up on her fingers and trying to remember. “Oh–I don’t know–five or six, maybe more. We watch t.v. pretty much every day in at least one class and any time we have a sub they put in movies or something. We watch stuff like Mythbusters a lot and call it chemistry.”
She paused a moment then said, “At least it’s not like my history teacher who flirts with girls in the class then shows us pictures of himself without his shirt on and talks about his tattoos.”
You can read the whole frightening post at Scribbit.
This is one of those times when listing Three Good Things (the parts) doesn’t nearly express the goodness of the weekend (the whole). Adam’s parents were here for the weekend, and seeing them with Sammy is one of the great joys of parenthood. We spent most of our time together shopping and just hanging out, and here are the only concrete events I can come up with:
- We decided that the Yamaha YDP140 is the piano for us.
- I bought a brown coat which makes me look forward to cooler weather.
- My husband finally bought some new clothes. He looks mighty nice in a dark blue suit.
It’s a little bit late, but Rational Jenn has your Round Up this week.
MOMMY! I’M GOING TO SNEAK UP ON YOU. AND SAY BOO. AND SURPRISE YOU. OK? READY?
Three Good Things for the day:
- I got a Droid! It’s Verizon’s version of the iPhone and it’s pretty cool. Maybe it will help me become so much more productive that I’ll have more time for blogging.
- Sammy’s new favorite song is Take Me Out to the Ballgame. It’s a lot more fun to sing than Baa Baa Black Sheep.
- I had a lot of bad luck today. It took me four trips to the Verizon store to get the darn phone, and it wasn’t their incompetence or anything but bad luck. My blog was down this morning. I almost ran out of gas. Things just didn’t work. And yet, I was in a good mood all day and everything worked out fine in the end. Who the heck am I, anyway?
After yet another potty accident:
NO! NOOOOOO! DON’T YOU TOUCH IT, MOMMY. THAT’S MY POOPY!
I apologize for the lack of good posts here lately. Somehow, I seem to be very busy lately. I’m working on a couple of home maintenance issues (why do all the light bulbs burn out at once and why does it cost $8000 to paint the interior of your house?), some insomnia problems (aka, too much thinking), a lot of laundry (aka, poop clean up), and a little bit too much Battlestar Galactica (Adam and I are watching the whole series straight through on DVD – we never saw the last season so no spoilers, please).
When I do feel like writing, I want to spend time on my fiction. I feel some conflict between that and the blog. I was worried about this problem arising, but I thought the two were so different that I’d have time and motivation for both. I might have been wrong. I’m hoping that this is just a glitch, but right now I’m just thankful that this problem gives me an easy blog post.
Three Good Things for the day:
- Talked to my parents over Skype using the new webcam (thanks KEPI!) and convinced them to buy one of their own so we can have more video calls with Sammy.
- Convinced Adam to go with the Verizon Droid and give up on the iPhone. We’re finally getting smart phones!
- Christmas is coming fast and I’m doing serious research on digital pianos. I keep getting tempted by the acoustics – I know that I’ll want one eventually – but the idea of playing with headphones and not having to tune the piano is just too seductive. I’m sticking with digital – for now.
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