Karina does a lot of make-believe play with her teddy bear ‘Baba’ and her ‘Tigger’ – and often times, it shows what’s going on on her mind. I could tell, for example, that she felt a bit rejected when her little brother arrived – she’d push Tigger and Baba away, and say ‘I don’t want Tigger and Baba, go away.’ Then she’d take them back, and nurse them, and put them to bed, and talk to them just the way I talk to Henrik. (That’s funny – to hear her say things in the same tone of voice, same exact words I use: ‘Baba, you can’t be hungry – you just ate! Are you tired? Do you want your binky? Here you go, chubby boy!’)

We also use pretend play with those two best friends to get her used to new things – like pretend potty time, or pretend hair cutting before her first hair cut, or examinations and shots for her friends (including band-aids) prior to going to the doctor for immunizations. Seems to help her get her little mind around things that are happening in her world.

I also wish I knew more about epistemology and child psychology, because this stage is so interesting. I do know it’s very normal for kids to explore fantasy and reality and I’ve seen in my older two kids that it is sometimes hard for them to tell the difference between pretend and real. When they’re playing pretend, I might go along with it or casually mention the “pretend” aspect of it, as you did. Depends on the context–sometimes the child gets mad if I mention “pretend” which is my cue to shut up!

I look at it as them exploring the limits of reality, just the way they test other limits–if I wish something hard enough, will it come true?

Another part of it seems to be connected with the self-identity stage they hit around 3–who am I? What do I like? What can I be? That’s when (IME) the costumes and the characters seem to turn up. Morgan became a dog just before she turned 3–and it hasn’t really let up since. Ryan became what we called the “peopleguy du jour”–complete with costumes and accessories. He has moved past the stage where he tries to become the peopleguy and is now “I’m Ryan and this is my job: soldier/carpenter/gardener, etc.” (I’m not sure if I’ve explained the distinction well enough.) Anyway, he’s separated his own identity from his fantasies a bit more–he still lives in Imagination Land, but spends more time on Planet Reality, too. )

I think it’s fun and I play along when I’m permitted to! And if I thought someone’s fantasy was leading them to do something dangerous, that’s when I step in and say “You know Spider-Man is just pretend. Real people can’t stick to walls like he can so you need to climb down from there now.” That’s practically a direct quote there.